So, You're Inordinately Interested in Minutiae

If you've come to this page, you're either very curiously surfing or looking for some serious data. Well, here it is! Here is an alphabetical list of songs, and any information on their writing, recording and history. This includes unreleased songs and recordings.
(For music downloads go here.)

The Albums


Art Is a Lie Baby © 1999

CD Cover

    Side A

  1. Kansas City, Nebraska
  2. Dry Heat
  3. Glyph
  4. Julio
  5. Li'l Fingerpickin' Song
  6. Far Better Place
  7. Shower Street
  8. Lazy
  9. Shadowy Figure
  10. Young Beyond My Years
  11. The Children
  12. Side B

  13. The Ghost of Elvis, Tom and Me
  14. Wisconsong
  15. Daggers
  16. The First Loud Ding Dong of Time & Doom
  17. Megan's Memory Song
  18. God Held Her Hand
  19. Galacticon Overgarby
  20. Look at the Rain
  21. Suicide Hurts
  22. Yeah

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The Chicago Tapes © 1999

CD Cover
  1. Jealous of the Sunrise
  2. Jean Q. Jaques
  3. Elvis Said
  4. All Too Clear
  5. Baby, It's a Shame
  6. When Will I Be Alive?
  7. Gerri & Bobby
  8. Stu?
  9. Tall as the Mountains
  10. Katherine's Bath
  11. Hymn to St. Genevieve
  12. Happy Day
  13. Leaving Chicago

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Nothing Strange © 2003

CD Cover
  1. Nothing Strange
  2. The Ballad of This One Crazy Chick
  3. Billy's Song
  4. Danny Boy
  5. April
  6. The Dead Don't Mind
  7. I Used To Call You Baby
  8. The Moon
  9. No One's Here
  10. Paradise Found
  11. Rainmakers
  12. Erikana

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THE SONGS - Alphabetically

Air Mandalay

Scot Ninnemann asked me about this song: "...what does it mean to you?" Here, editted slightly, is my response.

I'll answer that question by responding in general and then to some specific points you made.

I wrote this in San Francisco, where Amanda and I stayed with [John]Kepler and his wife for about a week [in 2006]. Good times. The apartment is theirs. It has a long, one-hall layout - not strictly a shotgun apartment, but they do have a tiny window that looks out on Bernal Hill. Our plane left at midnight Tuesday. Unfortunately, that meant really early on Tuesday, when we understood it to mean really late. So, we hung around an extra day. We drank a lot of wine on that trip.

The whole 'Air Mandalay' aspect of it comes from my friend Fred Weber. Hereupon follows my ode to Fred. We'll get to the Mandalay business in a second. Fred is a real peach. The man can tell stories. He was a Naval Navy Intelligence Officer in Viet Nam, also flew some reconaissance missions along the coast. Came out of the Navy and went to Notre Dame Law School, and practiced outside Chicago many years. (Almost got to argue before the Supreme Court, but they declined to hear the case at the last minute.) He and his wife live part-time up here, part-time down in Florida.

Fred sings bass in the barbershop chorus - very nice voice, lots of interesting musical experience. Took zither lessons as a kid. His brother used to hang out in Dinkytown with Koerner, Ray and Glover and all the other folkies in the late fifties and sixties. One day this young kid shows up and starts hanging around, playing guitar, singing... Turns out to be Bobby Zimmerman.

Fred's brother recently died, and Fred inherited his guitar - nice old Martin nylon string. He lent it to me just because it was a cool Dylan-played-upon guitar. So, I started playing this new bit of song on it.

Now, Fred has maintained his pilot's license and until recently, owned a neat little amphibious airplane. He flew me down to LaCrosse once, for barbershop convention. It was a great time, I tell you. HE and his wife called their Wisconsin home Mandalay. This from the poem "Road to Mandalay" by Rudyard Kipling, about a Brit soldier returning dissatisfied from India. The last stanza reads:

Ship me somewheres east of Suez, where the best is like the worst,
Where there aren't no Ten Commandments an' a man can raise a thirst;
For the temple-bells are callin', an' it's there that I would be --
By the old Moulmein Pagoda, looking lazy at the sea;
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the old Flotilla lay,
With our sick beneath the awnings when we went to Mandalay!
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!


Fred likes the poem so much, and has such fond memories of the cabin that when he bought the plane, he jokingly named it Air Mandalay. He even had some caps embroidered with the logo and the motto "Somewhere East of Suez"

Fred's note: Our first cabin was called "Innisfree" after W.B. Yeats poem, "The Lake Isle of Innisfree." While I would like to claim that it was I who suggested calling our home "Mandalay", it was actually Nancy who thought that "The sun comes up like thunder" which was the first part of the poem to appear on the Air Mandaly logo. Then, upon further reflection, I recalled the following couplet from the poem:
"I am sick of wastin' leather on these gritty paving stones,
And the bloody English drizzle wakes a fever in my bones...
I recalled all the lonely time I spent working in London under adverse conditions, and that's how "Ship me somewhere's East of Suez" replaced "The dawn comes up like thunder" on the baseball caps, t-shirts and so forth.


In the song, I'm not referring so much to the specific plane, or to Fred, as to some mythic, faraway place (though it turns out there is a real Air Mandalay).

Scot writes: I think you and [Memphis] are both much more metaphor-oriented [than I am]. You like ambiguous meanings and words that click on an instinctive level

This song is certainly one of those that clicks more instinctively or subconsciously than it does literally. Those are some of the most satisfying for me to write. Other examples that come to mind are Introducing the Door, Rainmakers, Julio, Buffalo Bill's Grave, "Behind the Curtain" - songs where the images present an arc and a tone, but not really a literally interpretable story. Though I do like story songs, too, of course. "Oh, No!" is probably another example, and certainly "Zo Bid!". "Wendell Gee" by REM. "Small Car" by Marvin Pontiac. "Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procul Harum. "Once in a Lifetime," by Talking Heads.

Smoke. Another cold California night.
The stars are changing. I don't want to stay but I guess I might
Just to say I did something.
I don't know why you had to go away, but I know that
You'll be coming home again on Air Mandalay

So I drink your wine
In your shotgun apartment
There's a secret window - look's out on the Bernal Hill
Well I've climbed to the top
Didn't learn anything that way, but I pray that
You'll be coming back to me on Air Mandalay

Well, I'm East of the Suez - West of the Great Divide
In a land filled with ruins
Leads to a land where I'm mostly blind to the fact that you're gone
And if I coudl do a thing about it
You know I'd fly you right back home again on Ari Mandalay

Hope. She lives in a foreign country
Faith. There are no roads to guide the way
Peace. Not a single star to steer by
But if Love could bring you home again then I would know the way

From the Noe Valley
To those golden rolling hilltops
The mists on the Bay come creeping in my mind
And I don't feel strong
And I know that it can't happen
But still I wish that you'd come home again -
Pray that you'll come flying in -
Oh, won't you please come back to me on Air Mandalay?

Back to song list

All Too Clear

This song is on the album "The Chicago Tapes."
I wrote it in the winter of '98 or '99. I was visting Memphis and woke up with most of this song running in my head. I was ambivalent about my upcoming move to Chicago, and knew that one of the things I would miss the most was playing music with him. (Of course, ten years down the road it's now clear we'll keep playing together for the forseeable future.) Once I got down to business to actually finish the song, it turned into more of a romantic break-up song than one about a band breaking up. Let me make it clear here and for all: Memphis and I are now and never have been lovers.

[Memphis adds: The other thing I remember about that song was that you had written "the signs are far too subtle to be..." and you asked me to help you think of a word that meant the opposite of subtle but had the same syllabic rhythm as the word subtle. I said something like "why not just use the word "subtle"?" and it was like a sun araising in the sky and angels sang as they do at most of my mere utterances.]

I recorded this song on my pleasingly clunky old Tascam 4-track, in my bedroom in a shared Ashland Ave in Chicago. The guitar was an old laminate-top Conn acoustic, another pleasingly clunky creation.

You who were my lover, and you who were my friend
Seems as if our time together just came to an end
Or maybe it was long ago, we never knew it then
But now it's clear. It's all too clear...

You who were so solid, and you who were my host
Our past can only be remembered hazy as a ghost
So let me offer up to you this final parting toast
Because it's clear. It's all too clear...

And it's hard not to wonder if the sin was mine or yours
And it's hard not to wonder why we didn't see it coming sometime before
But we'll never have the answers there probably are none to be had
Just chalk it up to living, try not to feel too bad
The signs are far too subtle to be laughed at or ignored
But now it's clear, it's all too clear...

Back to song list

April

Wrote this song in May of 2001. This was one of the first songs to be a Milk & Honey standard. There is a slight distortion of time in that Easter, if I remember right at this writing, came in May of that year, not March. Parts of this are true, parts are pure poetry.

The keyboard part was played by Memphis on a little electric piano which he borrowed from Andy Honigman.

What became of April?
Where did April go?
What did I do with April?
For the life of me, I don't know

I remember all the ice shacks
Huddled on the lake
Now I'm standing here in my garden
Oh, there must be some mistake

I know there was St. Patrick's
I remember drinking beer
But I'm not even Irish
And April has disappeared

What became of April?
Where did April go?
What did I do with April?
For the life of me, I don't know

I remember Easter Sunday
I sat right close to you
I left you Easter Monday
I remember that day, too

I saw you on St. Valentine's
And not again till May
The weeks were cold and lonely
And April went away

What became of April?
What did I do with April?
I never saw a crocus
I never played a joke
What became of April?
What did I do with April?
For the life of me, I don't know

Back to song list

Artificial Chair

This, along with Cannibal Party was the first song to become part of the Milk & Honey set.
The writing of this song began in a Kansas City apartment in the fall of 1999. While there is a certain nonsense logic to the song, there is a one-to-one correlation betwween each part of the song and real life. I will not reveal at this time what that allegory is, but I will drop one hint:

Herbert E. Ives.

I killed Martin Luther, the reformation's through
Poisoned Montezuma, killed Picasso, too
I never did those things, I've been telling lies
Only crazy stories, I heard them from some guys
Their eyes were made of straw, their hair was made of hair
I only ever see them in my Artificial Chair

CHORUS
Artificial Chair, Artificial Chair
Sit down and smile nicely in my Artificial Chair

Mother always told me 'bout the great big Big Bad Wolf
David Byrne convinced me it's ten thousand little wolves
It wasn't David Byrne, I don't know who it was
I know it wasn't him, though, I can tell because
The man was eating insects, swarming on his tie
And David Byrne is smart enough not to swallow flies

CHORUS

There are so many people telling me the truth
It's hard for me to look at them squarely in the tooth
Their teeth all shine so pretty
They brighten up the day
I almost hate to tell them that they have to go away
Away or I must shoot them with tiny rubber bands
Aiming at their shoulders 'cause I cannot see their hands
They keep their hands in mittens so they don't play with their hair
I only ever see them in my Artificial Chair

CHORUS

Back to song list

Baby, It's a Shame

Another song I wrote for Memphis in 1999, about the same time as All Too Clear, for similar reasons. I'd been playing and composing with Memphis for five or six years, and was reluctant to leave Great Uncle Helmer behind. (Of course, as it turned out, we still keep pretty busy making music together.) I thought maybe I wanted to live in Chicago permanently at this point. This is a relatively rare Kaptain Karl composition in that it's almost entirely true for real, with very few wierdly obscure metaphors.

Like the rest of The Chicago Tapes, this was recorded in my bedroom in the Ashland Ave apartment I shared with John Kepler and his girlfriend. I used the old Tascam for it. I miss the simplicity of four-tracks, you know? The guitar is a late 70s era laminate-top Conn dreadnought with an orange sunburst. I used both a soundhole pickup and a Shure SM58.

Baby, don't you know that it's a shame that you are stayin' here so long
And I am going on away from here so soon
I'm goin' down to Illinois, I don't know when I'll find a chance to call you
But I'll try to write a letter every day
'Cause I think about you every day, and all the things we built together
Goin' on forever in the music of our lives

And I am going down to a place I think I love
And I don't know when I'll be coming back around

Baby, don't you know that it's a shame we never got a chance
To talk about the things we never took the time to say
But even so, we said a lot of things we maybe shouldn't have
But then the things we said were nearly always mostly true
But even truth is only just a window that you open up a crack
So you can bend down, close one eye, and look inside

And I am going down to a place I think I love
And I don't know when I'll be coming back around

Still, our mission's far from over. If we thought so, we'd be fools
We worked our hearts down to the bone, just looking for the tools
But now we're almost ready and our work's almost begun
We'll find out what needs doing and we'll see that it gets done...

I'll be coming back to say, 'Hello, I'm doin' fine. How 'bout yourself?
'I hope you didn't feel too lonely on your own.'

And I am going down to a place I think I love
But I know that I will be coming back around

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Bad Candy

She's Bad Candy, Bad Candy
Bad Candy, Bad Candy

She is Bad Candy, she only wants me
She only wants me for my mind
She is Bad Candy, of the candy
Of all the candy, she's the worst kind

She's Bad Candy, Bad Candy
Bad Candy, Bad Candy

She said I really like your music, but it isn't very loud
I said, you know, you're kinda pretty, but you kinda freak me out

'Cause your Bad Candy, Bad Candy
Bad Candy, Bad Candy

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Ballad of Comedy Frog & Tragedy Turtle

I am Comedy Frog, jumping around
I am Tragedy Turtle on the cold, cold ground
I embody them both and the evidence is my love for you

The sun is high and the air is good
I'm hopping around in the happy wood
I'm happy just like a Comedy Frog should be

But then a bird flies down and it swallows me whole
And I'm sad, sad, sad

The moon is gone, and so is the sun
Seems like my trouble's only begun
I'm stuck in the muck like a Tragedy Turtle should be

But then a bird flies down and it swallows that
Hippity-Happity Horrible Comedy Frog
And I feel glad, but just for a moment, then I feel sad
Because I am Tragedy Turtle, aren't I?

I am Comedy Frog, jumping around
I am Tragedy Turtle on the cold, cold ground
I embody them both and the evidence is my love for you

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Ballad of This One Crazy Chick

Well, it was May the 24th and we were standing in the yard
You hit me with your love, you know you hit me pretty hard
I said what's the big idea? You said you're just a stupid Boy
I said, Oh, Joy...
Well, I kissed you, even though you never had been kissed before
And you looked me in the eye and I watched as you tried to run away

You found me in the City, I had fallen in a ditch
It wasn't Halloween, but you were dressed up like a witch
I asked you if you'd pull me out, you said you didn't know
I just said, Oh...
When I finally stood beside you, I was covered up in mud
You just said, you need a shower, and I knew that you wanted to run away

It was March the 21st, but you said I'd got it wrong
Arguments and names can't be made up for in a song
I was startled and confused, you were mad, I don't know how
I said, What now...?
This made you even worse, and I had finally had enough
So I turned around, and you watched as I tried to run away

It was the summer solstice, we were staying up quite late
Drinking wine from goblets, but I declined the peeled grapes
I looked up at the stars and said there's beauty in the air
And you too, dear
Your face went slowly red, your silent eyes were full of fire
And I saw you try to smile, but I watched as that smile ran away

Finally I knew that something else had come to pass
I asked you what the date was, you said this would be our last
I wondered if you meant it, but your serious side showed
I said, Oh, no...
Can you really be so stupid, I so wanted to exclaim
But I couldn't say a word, and I watched as you finally ran away

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Barcelona

I don't get high in Barcelona
I've never even been to Spain
The message said that we'd be safe there
And never have to run again
Forget about the things you've left behind
Remember all the things we'vesaved
Stop looking back across your shoulder
We'll both be fine if you behave
Here are the names we'll bother be using
I picked them out for you and me
I'll be the barber, you're the baker
We won't be who we used to be
I know you'll miss Italian Opera
I'll miss my folks in Kankakee
We'll find new loves to take their places
Small sacrifice to make us free

I could believe it if this were the first time
But you tell me time and time again
That you only need a little more time
For our real lives to begin

We'll make our way across the ocean
Beneath the Mid-Atlantic moon
Ther're waiting for us in the harbor
They'll have us safely hidden soon
You can't allow yourself to weep now
Your tears might give us both away
You're frightened, angry and compulsive
I know you'll smile at me someday.

I could believe it if this were the first time
But you tell me time and time again
That you only need a little more time For our real lives to begin

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Billy's Song

Billy went to Spain, where it rains upon the plain
Oh,Billy, don't you forget about me
Billy went to France, where the ladies wear no pants
Oh' Billy, don't you forget about me

Well, Billy sat out on a moonlight night
And rain came down through the golden light
And I knew I'd never sweep her off her feet

'Cause she's the best friend I ever had
'Cept for maybe that giant tow-haired lad
And that one you always said was a breakfast treat

You're the trinity who hold me round
And save me being blown around
Oh, Billy, don't you forget about me

Well, we laid out for the Northern Lights
And you drove me right on into the fight
And there's never been a time I'd rather own

You saw the bruises on my heart
And you saved me from falling apart
And you helped me more than you could ever know

Well, Billy, you were lost in space
Till you found your one true hero's face
And Billy, he's as good as good can be

Yes, Medea's found her Argonaut
She's the medicine for sinful thought
Oh, Billy, say a prayer for me

'Cause we try to fight the honest fight
But we lose ourselves inside the night
Oh, Billy, shine your light so we can see Nah, na na na na na.....

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Buffalo Bill

Climbed all day he did. Met a man at the top he did
Where are you going? he asked him he did, and the man at the top said

CHORUS
Buffalo Bill was a very old man when he moved to a hole in the ground
And I'll never find the house that he lives in now
Though I search till tomorrow, no I never have found
The hole in the ground that he lives in now

I told him if you're going down the road too fast
You'd better go now while the exits last
254 is all a guy has, so if you want to go now
It's your very last chance

He gave a little wink up at the floater wire
Said he couldn't make it, he was just too tired
Buffalo Bill took his belly off the fire
And he asked me what a trip to Billy's grave required

I took him by the hand, he was lighter than dust
I told him I was one of all the ones he could trust
Found the fellow's car it was covered in rust
But the fellow kept a-smiling till I thought he might bust

Jabba jabba jabba, bop-ba, jabba jabba ja-bop-ba
Jabba jabba jabba, bop-ba, jabba jabba ja-bop-ba

So we spent 254 days in his car
Rollin' down the barbers and cement'n' the tar
Told him where we were and he laughed pretty hard
He said I never ever thought that I could make it this far, because...

CHORUS

We navigated out ourselves a mountainous route
When we made it to the graveyard, then the car petered out
I was gonna ask him what the gig was about
When he did a little dance, and he gave up a shout

And then his heart stopped cold in his breast
And though his soul was only a guest
I laid him on the ground and I beat on his chest
But he never came back and maybe that's best, because

CHORUS

Jabba jabba jabba, bop-ba, jabba jabba ja-bop-ba
Jabba jabba jabba, bop-ba, jabba jabba ja-bop-ba

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Cannibal Party

Gnawing on shoulders, chewing on arms
Don't try to touch them, please stay in your car
Hunger can turn a person into a beast
Fine looking fellow-man, fine looking feast

We're having a party, a Cannibal Party
We're having a party, come join along

Please understand, it's not you that I hate
I've just got a taste for something I once ate
Please pass the butter, please pass the feet
Try not to think about the people that you eat
Look at her there, broken down car
Easy to do when you don't know who they are
Never had money, never had friends
Try to believe that it's a merciful end

We're having a party, a Cannibal Party
We're having a party, come join along

Money and marrow, one and the same
Just try to think of it as a kind of a game
Everyone does it, it's easy to do
and if you don't do it, you know they'll do it to you

'Cause we're having a party, a Cannibal Party
We're having a party, come join along
We're having a party, a Cannibal Party
We're having a party, come join along

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Charcoal Artist

I draw your charcoal hair
I my booth at the arts and crafts fair
I can tell that you don't really care
See your smile, but there's no smiling there

And all my drawings look the same
But to me everybody looks the same
If I drew what I saw, I'd go insane
If you saw what I see...

You'd throw yourself into the sea
But I wouldn't want it blamed on me
So I give you what you want to see
And I'd almost like to give it out free

Because everybody goes away glad
It's the best job I ever had
I'll hide all your failure, hide all your pain
Show you the sun, keep you dry from the rain
Draw the same faces again and again and again

So I'll dry your charcoal hair
In my booth at the arts and crafts fair
Keep on coming to me
And I'll give you what you need to see...

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Children, The

The sun was burning brightly, like it never had before
I found a thing I thought I'd need, and wondered what it was for
I watched the children playing, as they flew up in the air
There was music coming down on me, but I couldn't tell from where

CHORUS
We were always lonely, till we learned to be alone
And now the children are only coming home

I saw so many people, like being in a dream
All in their silent spaceships, calling out to me
I was writing myself a letter, but I didn't have nothing to say
So I took my time, and wandered off across the Milky Way

CHORUS

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Coulda Been a Hero

I was standing on the Mississippi Bridge
With a couple people I'd just met
If I jumped I'd really get them talking
But I decided maybe not just yet

There were two guys from a place near Aspen
Who had come out to see the flood
And a little man with perspiration
And a face with out a trace of blood

A woman there never talked quite loud enough
She had one kind of lazy eye
And a little girl was standing next to her
Doing her best not to cry

We only talked very quietly
We all kind of looked around
And though nobody wanted to say it
They were headed for the third time down

Breathe in... Breathe in... Breathe it on in
All you got to do is breathe it in

Shouldn't we be doing something
I almost said, but then what if
Nobody had tried to stop me?
Stop me...

Look up and see the circle of light
The only other thing is what's around you
You'll never ever worry and it's easy to do just take a deep breath
And you'll see that it's true

Shouldn't we be doing something
I almost said, but then what if
Nobody had tried to stop me?
Stop me...

A cop came by to slow her car down
And ask us if we'd move along
We told her we would just be leaving,
We told her there was nothing wrong

Breathe in... Breathe in... Breathe it on in
All you got to do is breathe it in

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Crazy Noise

Oh it's a long, hard road to Heaven
But I know I've been there before
I knew all the paths and the hidden alleys
But lately I can't find them any more

I've been in love, in love, in love, in love with being in love
And I'm tired of the sound of my own voice
My ears are ringing and my head is spinning
With all that crazy noise

Oh, this crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy noise
Crazy noise is gonna be the death of me
There's just one thing can stop this crazy noise
And she is gone so far away

All the quiet miles and gentle memory
Can't take away the sound
So I'm walking around with my heart full of cotton
Try and stop this crazy noise

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Crosstown Road

Well I went home just a couple weeks ago
Thought I'd look up a friend who lives on Crosstown Road
I said, "Pete, how you doin'?
I haven't seen you 'round much anywhere."
And he said, "Karl, it must be five years."
And he laughed at my long hair

Now Pete and I you know, we go back quite a ways
Playin' Star Wars on the bus in elementary school days
And we both played trombone in the high school marching band
And when I was lost in algebra
Pete said, "I'll help you if I can."
And we talked about that little group we used to have
Singin' four part harmony
And you know we weren't too bad

But things have changed since then
As they often will in life
Me I'm writin' songs now, and Pete's marryin' a wife
Well the sun went down and I said goodbye
And Peter said, "So long."
I turned and I said, "Peter, mark my words,
I'm gonna write this in a song."

Well I went home just a couple weeks ago
Thought I'd look up a friend who lives on Crosstown Road

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Daggers

We admire your character, we envy you your wealth
We sneak into your house at night and creep around with awful stealth
Here's to daggers in your back. We're drinking to your health

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Danny Boy

Danny Boy, light up a smoke
Danny Boy, tell us a joke
He's the man with volcanic eyes
Singing out loud with heartfelt cries
Well, I figure I'm a pretty good judge of men
But my opinion just changed again of Danny Boy
Who are you, Danny Boy?

Danny Boy, light up a smoke
Danny Boy, give us a toke
Stays in town, 'cause he's on the roam
Sold his house, so he can't go home
Broke the neck on his guitar
Playing downtown at the corner bar. Oh, Danny Boy
Poor, poor Danny Boy

Lay down a nickel, give it to Moe
He'll play you a song he don't really know
Well, Danny Boy, you're music's keen
But are you nice or are you mean?
I guess that's all beside the point
Because, man, you're burning up the joint, now, Danny Boy
Go, now, Danny Boy

Danny Boy, give us a smoke
Now, Danny Boy, you know that's just a joke
I wish I could be like you
Carry off the things you do
But I guess the only hope I've got for that
Is you might wish you're me right back, now, Danny Boy
Be my Danny Boy.

Lay down a nickel, give it to Moe
He'll play you a song don't nobody know
Oh, Danny Boy, be my Danny Boy...

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Did He Wake You Up?

Did he wake you up just to say that it was over?
Did he wave goodbye from the middle of the street?
Did he push you on your way like a lonely rolling boulder
? Are you dancing now with just one pair of feet?

When you asked him did he say I don't remember
If I ever really loved my love or not?
Did it chill you to the bone like an icy cold November?
Did you look at him and wish that he were shot?

Do you wish that you had never met that bastard?
Do you wish that he were dead and not just gone?
Does it seem like just a fling that lasted years was all he's after?
Do you maybe think your love for him was wrong?

Can you tell me you're not better off without him lying there
beside you while you're still in town?
Can you tell me you're not bitter and defeated and that
nothing in this world's gonna get you down?
Won't you tell me how you doing?
Won't you tell me how you feel?
Are you afraid to say it openly?
Are you afraid to make it real?

Can I give you my two cents' worth, unrequested
Though the best advice is usually none at all
It's a simple thing to say, and I've had ample time to test it
When you stumble do your best to enjoy the fall

I've been where you are now, and I know you're lonely
Doesn't matter if your love was wrong or right
When it happens that you've lost the one that might have been your only
You know you'll never make it through the night

So maybe you and me should get together
Some comfort in these all uncertain times
I'll do my best to see you through the sudden stormy weather
And maybe you could help me get through mine.

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Doc's Kids? Sweet!

The Doctor's children all have left, they've gone their separate ways
And now I'm feeling bored and stripped of all my yesterdays
The Jivers split they could not stand to be all in one room
And Hermingham and Cunningson will meet their separate dooms

I don't know if I can do it (he don't know)
I don't know if I can say (he don't know)
I don't know if I can do it
But baby, if I do it, you know it's just the same old me, anyway...
Doo wop bop shoo bop
Doo wop shoop ba
Doo wop bop shoo bop

The little children laugh and try to put us in our place
The awful truth is dawning clear, it stares us in our face

We rode into town on fumes
We'll be walking out, 'cause the money's tight
And I'm praying for a pair of shoes
'Cause we got another couple hundred miles to go tonight, anyway...
Doo wop bop shoo bop
Doo wop shoop ba
Doo wop bop shoo bop

The Walking Fish is walking still, the Road Goes Ever On
But if we're ever caught and dry, please do this when we're gone

I don't know if I can do it (he don't know)
I don't know if I can say (he don't know)
I don't know if I can do it
But baby, if I do it, you know it's just the same old me, anyway...
Doo wop bop shoo bop
Doo wop shoop ba
Doo wop bop shoo bop
But baby, if I do it, you know it's just the same old me, anyway...
It's just the same old me...
It's just the same old me, anyway...
It's just the same old me...
It's just the same old me... oh my... oh why... am I... so shy?

Gonna take you on a little ride
Gonna take you far outside your mind...

Gonna take you on a little trip
On that magic sailing ship of mine...

Yes, my walking shoes are very old
But they're made of solid gold, so they shine
Yes they shine... Do you think anything can shine?

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Don't Be Dumb

When I was only four years old my Mamma said to me
Karl, when you grow up, be just what you want to be
Be a doctor or a lawyer with your silver speaking tongue
A carpenter, a counselor, or educate the young
There's just one thing I forbid you
Just one thing you can't become
And this ban I lay on you, son is, don't be dumb.

Don't be dumb, don't be dumb, don't be stupid as they come
Don't be gullible or blind, or ignorant of lies
Don't be troubled by the walk you take while chewing on your gum
Don't be a foolish, don't be clueless, don't be dumb.

When I'd gotten older, just about nine or ten
I went to get my schooling, all my how's and why's and when's
My teacher's taught me secrets all about this universe
They told me make it better, don't ever make it worse
When I asked them how to do it
They said here's a rule of thumb
Be attentive be creative, don't be dumb

Don't be dumb, don't be dumb, don't be stupid as they come
Not an addle-minded fool, or a dunce upon a stool
Don't be outsmarted by the little baby sucking on his thumb
Don't be a foolish, don't be clueless, don't be dumb.

Now, when I had grown up, and just become a man
I came across a beggar, he was handling a pan
I asked him what had brought him down unto this lowly place
He looked at me reluctantly with shame upon his face
He said, once I was a rich man
Once I held life's golden plum
But I didn't listen to the ones who told me, don't be done

Don't be dumb, don't be dumb, don't be stupid as they come
Don't be always in the dark, and don't be an easy mark
Don't be one of those the Lord gave not the brains to be a bum
Don't be a foolish, don't be clueless, don't be dumb.

I came upon a vision, 'twas a woman passing fair
Honey-velvet was her skin and raven was her hair
I asked her if she would be mine through all eternity
She took my hand and kissed me and these words she said to me
If you really can't discern
The way my feelings run
Then all that I can tell you, love, is, don't be dumb.

Don't be dumb, don't be dumb, don't be stupid as they come
Don't be wet behind the ears, or young beyond your years
Don't be troubled by the walk you take while chewing on your gum
Don't be foolish, don't be clueless, don't be dumb.
Don't be inept, Don't be inane, don't be dumb
Don't be a dunderheaded donkey, don't be dumb
Don't be a fool, don't be a mule, don't be dumb
Don't be foolish, don't be clueless, don't be dumb!

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Don't Remember Me

In fall 2000, I played occasionally at a Minneapolis open mic where I met a guy named Micah Ciampa. He had an intricate, yet rambling, conversational style of music, often accompanied by a beat-up cheapo 12-string or a slide ukulele. I liked his stuff so much I tried to emulate it in my small way. I have completely lost track of Micah. In fact, to my knowledge, he does not know he inspired a Kaptain Karl song - thus the first two lines. The rest is pure stream of consciousness.

Depending on the audience, I will replace 'fart' with 'belch.' This is very often the last song of the night. I believe I stole the schtick of trying to play a fast lick to open the song, then slowing it down more and more, until the song finally begins at a painfully slow tempo. I do not remember from whom I might have taken it. Perhaps it is my own invention.

I stole this song from the guy who wrote it
But he doesn't know anything about it
Because his brain got severed in the center of it
Now his right hand doesn't know
Half of what it used to

So he talks and talks and every so often
The words line up in a way that makes you wish they hadn't
Done that

But even if he only spoke of every man's dreams
And how every man can find part of his dream
In the garbage can of his next door neighbor
He, this man with the severed brain
Couldn't reap the benefit of his own wisdom
Lacking both the intellectual capacity
And the requisite charisma

Assuming in the first place he can hear his own words
Which I don't know that he even can
Due to the aforementioned severance.

And this severance, now quince-mentioned
Caused as it was by an explosive fart
Beneath the sword of Damocles
Might be considered his just desserts for eating just desserts
His gluttony now brought to naught
For the stomach can no longer tell the hand it's hungry
And he must subsist on such morsels
As might accidentally reach his open mouth
As it talks and talks and says

You'll miss me being gone when I come back
When I come back you'll miss me never saying
Over and over again how much you'll miss me
When I leave for good

When you see the stars like tiny little light bulbs, don't remember me
When you hear the sound of birds, like the sand truck to your favorite flame
Don't remember me.
When it all comes flooding back, don't remember me
Oh, don't remember me.

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Dorado

When I was young and nimble, Dorado was my name
I left my poor poor mamma, to seek fortune and my fame
I worked for many people, I stole from many more
And I traveled in the company of beggars thieves and whores
I gained a reputation, they said I was not quite sane
When I was young and nimble, and Dorado was my name.

I cut a man in Portland, one in New Orleans
And I killed one down in Mexico, just so I could see him bleed
I spent some time in prison, and I didn't do so bad
Oh, I could tell you stories, 'bout the fun we said we had
And I'm sure you've got your stories, too, but I'd put them all to shame
'Cause when I was young and nimble, Dorado was my name

I wandered through the alleyways, and I slept where I could go
And just where I was bound I didn't care and I sure didn't know
I made a lot of enemies, and probably some friends
But their faces run together, there's no difference in the end
I'd seen a hundred cities where the streets all look the same
When I was young and nimble, and Dorado was my name

The Devil rides my shoulder, but my Angel's fallen off
Left along the road somewhere, for I could not stand the cost
Of a conscience to remind me of the things that I have done
The betters I have bartered and the wagers I have won
It was five men came a-knockin', just me who rode away
When I was young and nimble and Dorado was my name

The years have waxed and withered, and you'd think I'd know by now
But though I've got no reason, I am vain and I am proud
I took just what I wanted, did just what I felt
And I laughed at men who told me that those roads all lead to Hell
You see me now and old man, I'm broken and I'm lame
But when I was young and nimble, Dorado was my name
Yes when I was young and nimble, Dorado was my name

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Driving in the Dark

It's just a little bit of time
It's just a little bit of time

Drove me in the dark
In a rusty stolen car
It really wasn't stolen
She bought it just last week
But it made it so fun
Driving, driving in the dark

Waiting for a train
Dancing in the rain
It made us sad as children
To have to be this way
Pretending you were staying
And waltzing, waltzing in the rain

Going round the bend
Waiting for the end
We couldn't ever tell her
The way you hurt us so
We're just trying to get better
And waiting, waiting on the mend

Listening to your songs
Wondering what went wrong
You used to be so happy
Now you've changed all that
And we wonder what you're doing
And listening, listening to your songs

Standing all around
Staring at the ground
Trying to be strong and trying
Hard to see
Looking for the answers
And staring, staring at the ground

Look at what we found
Lying on the ground
Told each other stories
About the way we were
O, the things you can remember
Lying, lying on the ground

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Dry Heat

You looked like just one person
When you stepped out from that hallway to the plane
But when you went back home again
I must have stayed with you and gone away
'Cause I don't think I'm all quite here
I feel like I'm just half-full
My blood just sloshes round in that big hole
Where you took away my heart

I noticed that the tag from off your luggage
Had been torn off on the floor
I picked it up and traced with my hand
'Til I couldn't read it any more
I'm too tired to lie back down
I can't sleep, so I walk around
In worn out shoes
That make a nasty noise on the ground

I almost cried again tonight
I used to think I was a little bored
But now I think a part of me
Was crazy all the time that I ignored
I don't know if I can make it right
I don't know if I can find out quite what's wrong
O-oh... what's wrong with me?

So, honey, won't you bear with me
Til just another year or three are gone?
I oughta know what's what by then
I might know just what the Hell is going on
Oh, what the Hell...
What the Hell is going on?

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Elvis Troika

The Ghost of Elvis, Tom & Me
Well, we used to pull a stunt or two,
Yeah Elvis, me and Tommy Tune
Now I'm here alone and they're both gone,
But the memory lives on and on... Yes, and on

I was younger then than I am now,
And that seems to ring a bell somehow
Yeah, I'm sure I've hear that once before:
'I once was lost, but not anymore' Oh, no, no, no, not anymore...

'Ol Elvis pulled the car up side
And asked this blonde if she'd like a ride
She said no, Tom said yes
But I really think she knew what was the best. Oh, yes.

'Cause she smacked them both upside the dead
Now Tom and Elvis, they're both dead
I ducked down low, her aim went wide
She took to me, and I'm still alive Oh, I'm still alive...

But she didn't drink and I didn't smoke,
So she dumped me down in Roanoke
Where I caught a ride in a Chevy van
And that's when all my troubles hit the fan

'Cause the President's calling on the radio
Where were we all? Did anyone know?
They needed us, it was World War III
The Ghost of Elvis, Tom and me. The Ghost of Elvis, Tom and me...

A four-star general Tom was made
And Elvis led the Light Brigade
They tracked me down once sunny day
And asked me if I'd lead the way. If that'd be OK.

Well, I told them that I'd lead the charge,
'Cause I'd seen the subs on lake la Barge
The Commies were coming, the reds were strong
And I knew we might not last very long. Oh, no, no, not very long...

So we brought out the tanks and censored the mail
And threw the radicals all in jail
We rounded up all the long-haired freaks
And we locked up all the pencil-necked geeks. Took about two weeks.

But still the danger lingered on,
So we took the corporations on
Yeah, we packed them in to make them free
The Ghost of Elvis, Tom and me. The Ghost of Elvis, Tom and me...

But still it seemed as if we failed
So Elvis said, 'Unlock the jails...'
Then Tommy said, 'Look! Over there!'
And I caught me a glimpse of some golden hair, in an old Ford Bel Aire

Well, I chased he through that shell-shocked town
The ghost of Elvis looking down
Old Tommy's hearse had extra speed
That and luck was all I'd need. Oh, that's all I'd need...

I turned a corner real fast,
Just to see that Bel Aire breathe it's last
Yeah, it hopped a curb and hit a post
And me and Tom and Elvis' Ghost thought, 'Man, that car was toast!'

Yeah, it went right up in flames and soot
But I had to go and take a look
Amazed and stunned, I saw her there
Running a hair brush through her hair. Oh, that golden hair...

Well, I kept my jealous heart in check
And I pulled her from the burning wreck
She looked at me through all that smoke
Said, 'Thought I left you down in Roanoke... Is this some sort of joke?'

I said, 'Sorry, ma'am, I'm afraid it's true.'
She said, 'Maybe I was wrong about you.
'Come walk with me, and ease my mind
'But you can leave your two dead friends behind.' They really didn't mind

She said she was sorry for starting the war
But we never found out what she did it for
So she put us in touch with an agent she'd known
'Fore she walked away down that long, dark road, all on her own.

INSTRUMENTAL

Well, that's the way it is today
We're known all across the USA
We're great big stars now, on TV
The Ghost of Elvis, Tom and me. The Ghost of Elvis, Tom and me.

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Elvis Said

We had a few beers and he looked at the girls
And Elvis said, 'I'm so tired.
'I don't know why, but I can't get to sleep.'
And Elvis said, 'I'm so tired'

Elvis said, 'I'm so tired...'
Yeah, Elvis said, 'I'm so tired...'

He looked in my eyes and he glanced at the ground
And he smiled a grim sort of smile
He said to me 'It's been one hell of a trip
'But I may never make that last mile.

'I haven't seen Tom, now, for years upon years
'But didn't we used to have fun?
'No, I don't know where that old dancer has gotten to,
'But I'm sure that he's still having fun

'And what ever happen there, down in Virginia?
'Thought that you were in love
'Or maybe don't tell me, I don't think I want to know...'

And Elvis said, 'I'm so tired...'
Yes, Elvis said, 'I'm so tired...'

'It's so hard to stop when you've been on a roll
'The trip has been nice but it's taken its toll

'I want to go home , but they won't let me go
'And they won't let me stay here no more
'I want to go home, but they won't let me go
'And I'm so tired...'

We had a few beers and he looked at the girls
And Elvis said, 'I'm so tired.
'I don't know why, but I can't get to sleep.'
And Elvis said, 'I'm so tired'

And Elvis said, 'I'm so tired...'
Yes, Elvis said, 'I'm so tired...'

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The Dead Don't Mind

We were wild we were lazy, we got fat and crazy
But the weather seemed to suit us just fine
But the one thing we never ever seemed to remember
Was to mark the passage of time
We lived too fast, we didn't do enough
And when it comes at last, you know it's gonna be rough and wide
You know it won't be kind
But then the dead don't mind

We were great big stars from the churches to the bars
But really they're just one and the same
It's like a terrible nightmare, a bad dream of the type where
No one can remember your name
We were young forever we were made out of gold
We always said never, we were young and bold and strong
It couldn't last for long
Because the dead are gone

We were handsome young and tall, and we had it all
The women and the whiskey and wine
We shoveled in the food and we swam in the nude
And we did our best to step out of line
Now we're so far out we'll never get back in
But there was never any doubt that we could fight and win the war
Just like we did before
That's what the dead are for

Instrumental

We were wild we were lazy, we got fat and crazy
But the weather seemed to suit us just fine
But the one thing we never ever seemed to remember
Was to mark the passage of time
We lived too fast, we didn't do enough
And when it comes at last, you know it's gonna be rough and wide
You know it won't be kind
But then the dead don't mind

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Empty Bottle Blues

Well, I'm starin' at an empty bottle
And that Bottle's staring back at me
I don't like to think about the man I know that bottle sees
Since you went walkin' out, I haven't been the same
And drunk is only lonely goin' by a different name

Well I'm lookin' at a rusty razor
And that razor's looking back at me
I don't like to think about the man I know that razor sees
Haven't scraped it 'cross my cheek for better than a week
But scruffy just means lonely
And lonely just means me

Well, I'm starin' at my dirty laundry
And my laundry's staring back at me
I don't like to think about the man I know that laundry sees
That pile's pilin' higher, but I can't think what to do it for
Because lookin' sharp's for lovers
And you don't love me any more

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Erikana

I'll see you by and by
But for now, my friend, goodbye
They say time flies when you're having fun
Now I know it's true, 'cause we've only begun
Now you're gone... So long.

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Extraneous

Hello I am extraneous, I really shouldn't be here
(repeat 2x)
The reasons for my being here are definitely unclear

Hello I am an optimist, I really shouldn't be here
(repeat 2x)
The reasons for my being here are definitely unclear

Hello I'm in my underwear, I really shouldn't be here
(repeat 2x)
The reasons for my being here are definitely unclear

Hello I am extraneous, Hello I am an optimist
Hello I'm in my underwear, I really shouldn't be here
The reasons for my being here are definitely unclear
But if I say it loud enough, then maybe you will here
Is the reasons for my being here are: I LOVE YOU!

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Fade Away

We watched all day as she faded away
And she waved to us now and again
And in a while she was gone, we never saw her any more
And where she went, we never knew
But once in a while
We'll get a post card
Without a picture
Without and address
And we'll think of the day that she faded away
And she waved to us now and again
Yes, we'll think of the day that she faded away
And she waved to us now and again

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Far Better Place

Ghosts of all the people who were proud to be my friends
Are moving, quickly, quietly ahead
In secret rooms they whisper and lament my coming end

I keep my eyes turned downward toward the darkness that's to come
While another world is headed for the sun
If I die in my sleep, brother don't you weep
It's a far better place that I've gone

Head trips leave me crying on the floor to catch my breath
Worms and spiders flicker down the wall
I sometimes feel like crying, but my eyes don't hear the call

I keep my eyes turned downward toward the darkness that's to come
While another world is headed for the sun
Should I die 'fore I wake, girl make no mistake
It's a far better place that I've gone

Far better place that I'm going to
When I've thrown off these shadows that bind me tight
Far better place that I'm looking for
With my eyes bound by ribbons of night

You go on without me, I can make it on my own
And if I can't you're better off alone
I'm shaking off my scales, now, where once my spirit shone

I keep my eyes turned downward toward the darkness that's to come
But no too long, now, I'll head out for the sun
But f I die in my sleep, brother don't you weep
It's a far better place that I've gone

Far better place that I'm looking for
Far better place that I'm going to
Far better place...

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Fate Vortex

The vortex veered and spat us out before we knew what happened
Ben was in the salty sea
Bell was high and dry, Evans quite near by
Rob was weaving it all together, ZMAG was in Mexico
Me, I left before I knew I had to go

Fate, she is a lousy shot
Or else she aims too low
Or else she's just a shortcut to going slow...

We shook ourselves and looked around and took account of noses
We could just touch our fingertips
Someone looked at me, who it was, I couldn't see
We were trying to pull together, blueprints rolled out on the wall
Still, we pulled it down before it had a chance to fall

Metaphors swam like similes
And cut a fancy figure
Chewed us up and picked us out
And stuck us all back in between the pages

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First Bird's Song

Early, before the dry summer's dawn
Just a few times
When the sky washes green
Between the blue of night and the blue of day
And it's warm enough
That you're almost ready to be out

I feel it now
I miss it more than I thought that I would
Every hollow and every chamber of soul
Echoes with the absence of the first bird's song

And on a hill that's not there
I sit with my love
Imagine, memory
I'll be whole, I'll be clean
And every rage and compulsion
Will vanish in the light
Of the first bird's song

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First Loud Ding Dong of Time & Doom

The cows are falling up the hill. I wonder if I'll follow them
You can call me Maurice, if you will, but everybody calls me Ben

My mind is getting so foggy, I can almost taste the shibboleth
Now, I don't know what that might mean, no, I don't know, but I can guess

The others laugh and claim that they can't understand a word I say
It's buried under metaphor and clever, twisted words
But, man, just say what's on your mind, this poetry is for the birds

Listen close and you can hear, another likely pair of ears
If they can't sound like what you want, at least believe it's heaven-bought

Mary, Martha, you know who, you follow me, I'll follow you
It's written up and down the books, the blind will get first look
And all the ones who budged in line will ultimately fall behind

They call me simple, that may be, but they don't see the things I see
Time and space are one to me, associated free
Fathers, sons, it's all the same. The cows are running up the lane

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Fuel-Injectified Blues

It happened last Thursday, my car wouldn't start
And you know that it purdener broke-a my heart
So I got a ride back to my home
And I called up the station on the telephone
They said bring it on in, and we'll see what we can do
I got the fuel-injectified, rattlin'-rusty-car blues

My stereo went on the fritz
My radial belts, just did the splits
My pinion is coming loose from my rack
And my windshield got a big old nasty crack
My brakes are broke, my control won't cruise
I got the fuel-injectified, rattlin'-rusty-car blues

The spark plugs are dirty, the belts give a squeal,
Got a dent in my door and a loose steering wheel
Burns buckets of oil and fouls the air
My mirror is cloudy my tires are square
My pistons are missing and I can't go fast
I'm sorry to say that my spare has gone flat
My started is stuck and my flywheel's notched
They gotta redo the repairs that I botched
I'm missing a hose and a clamp and a screw and a valve and a vacuum tube
I got the fuel-injectified, rattlin'-rusty-car blues

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Galacticon Overgarby

I think this picture explains the title. The song itself I wrote mostly based on a dream where I could push off and glide along the ground like being at the bottom of a pool. It also involved my elementary principal, and the father of my friend Janelle. I made part of the song up out of whole cloth. The recording on "Art Is a Lie, Baby" was another one done one the Memphis Evans four-track. This was a relatively early Kaptain Karl solo effort, written in either 1995 or 1996.

When I was younger, I'd walk on my fingertips
Floating along about six inches off of the ground
Some people said, 'That's unnatural!'
And others said, 'Yes, but it's beautiful!'
And I just said, 'Hey, I'm just trying to have me some fun...'

Now when I try to go walk on my fingertips
I can't remember and my face falls hard on the ground
Some people say, 'Man, that's funny!'
And others say, 'Man, that must hurt!'
And I just say, 'Hey, I'm just trying to have me some fun...'

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Garbage

Got so hungry last night
That I started eating garbage
I was feeling just fine
But then my head came undone
So I threw it away
Now it's lying in the garbage

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Gerri & Bobbi

Gerri & Bobbi running down the road
Shooting up, putting up a lightning load
Gonna run down on the inside track
But you go too fast, and you never come back

Gerri & Bobbi stopping on the side
Scratching in the dust and hitching for a ride
Muleskinner stopped in a '57 Ford
But they couldn't even open up the goddam door.

Gerri & Bobbi walking into town
Looking for the Marshall and staring him down
Stop into a joint, gonna have a little fun
Neither one knows when the other one's done

Gerri & Bobbi, next state long
Never did know what they both done wrong
Gonna be sad if you're gonna be free
Free and poor is the way you gotta be

Gerri & Bobbi couldn't decide
Split for a fight, or stick around and hide
Gerri went East and Gerri went west
Bobbi just went where Bobbi goes best


Na na na...

Gerri & Bobbi rolling along
Gotta be right if you never were wrong
Gotta be old if you never were young
Gerri & Bobbi barely begun
Free and happy is the way you gotta be
But you're gonna be sad if you're gonna be free
Yes, you're gonna be sad if you're gonna be free
Yes, you're gonna be sad if you're gonna be free

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Glyph

I used to call this thing a song
Now it's just a glyph
I lost an 'E' out of my life
Now I just live a lif
Hey, hey, hey... Hey, hey, hey...

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God Held Her Hand

The moon just touched the treetops, though it would not take the sky
The raindrops on my collar were so fine I nearly cried
The window at her shoulder shone lamplight through her hair
I had a thousand answers though there were no questions there
I dreamed that we were dancing, though we both were very still
And the breeze became a love song as it danced across the hill

CHORUS
God held her hand and led her to me
I don't understand why she couldn't see
That God held her hand

I can see her sitting there in the memory of my eye
Night folds in around us as the other kids go by
And fireflies are drifting through a soft and gentle rain
They have a kind of magic I never could explain
And I never could explain to her how natural it would be
How after one romantic night, she's all that I could see.

CHORUS

I saw her back at Christmas, we caught up with some friends
I finally made my mind up, I would tell her there and then
Oh, I never really kissed her, I never held her hand
But it knocked me off my balance, that little silver band
She says they're very happy, they're living on the coast
But out of everyone back home, she misses me the most
She said she's always loved me, she loved me all the time
When I got home that frozen night I just laid down and cried.

CHORUS

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Happy Day


The 'good, good, good friend' here is my old friend Cheston. I wrote this some time after a moonlit New Year's Eve sleigh ride with his family and a friend of theirs, Bob Rutherford, who's a good musician in his own right. This is a hard song to perform. Somehow, I can never get the chords just right. Plus, the lyrics are a real tongue twister in places. Try saying 'good' there times fast.

This was recorded on my big-ol' Tascan 4-track. Man I miss that thing.

It's been a long, long ,long, long time, time
But it's only six AM, AM
And everybody's asking if I don't know who I am
I am standing on the corner making circles in the air
And I just tell them I don't care, I don't care

It was a good, good, good, good friend, friend
Told me it would be all right, all right
And we watched the sunlight draining all the daytime from the night
The night is very friendly with its pinholes in the sky
And the moonlight in our eyes, in our eyes.

CHORUS
And nearly seven times a week
The sun is brightest at its peak
But everybody gathers round to watch the sun go down
And I hope that I am smart enough, and go out with the grace enough
That people come to see me leave this town

It was a big, big, big, big problem,
Problems used to seem that way, that way
But now I think I've learned enough to figure out a way
A way to answer back about what's running in my head
So just remember what you said, what you said

And it's a happy, happy day, day
'Cause it happened once again, again
But what it was that happened, I just couldn't tell you then
You then ran around in circles asking what it signified
And I told you, 'Just be patient, and you just might learn in time'
But you refused to listen, you just said that I was lyin'
And I said that there's no answer, just a smile and a sigh
No there's no answer, just a smile and a sigh...

CHORUS

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Highly Derivative Blues

Got nothing to say that hasn't been said before
Sometimes I wonder what I'm up here for
'Cause nobody seems to care
Long as the licks and all the changes are there
But there's nothin' that no one can do
I got the highly derivative, thoroughly sanitized blues

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Hymn to St. Genevieve

I was just about to die, and go on living as a ghost
Forget my destination, shut off the engine, let it coast
Then I fell into your lap, just when I needed it most
My dreams had packed their bags, and they had headed for the coast
Now I'm happy as can be, but I'm scared out of my mind
There's a magic in the danger, blessed be the ties that bind

CHORUS
And there's a raging fire on the water
And it leaves me tired inside
When I look into that fire
I see the gap between myself growing wide

If it hadn't been for you, I never would have seen the light
It's the mother of all paradox, freedom can bind you tight
Well it must be in your blood, being so devilishly kind
But I wonder what's to come, for every fork is double-tined
And I've learned that lesson well, in the space of just one night
And I just might be addicted to that first sharp loving bite

CHORUS

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I Raise My Glass

She's skinny as sin
And ugly as ass
But you know I start to smile when she makes a little pass
And she says, I think I love you
And I raise my glass and say me too!

She's big as a sofa
She smells like a roach
But she says she'd like to learn and I say I'll be he coach
And she says, I think I love you
And I raise my glass and say me too!

He eyes are all runny
Her nose is too big
But she asks me if I'm hungry and I say, Yes, like a pig!
And she says, I think I love you
And I raise my glass and say me too!

There's hair on her chin
And none on her head
But it gets me when she asks me if I'd like to go to bed
And she says, I think I love you
And I raise my glass and say me too!

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I Recall an Evening

I recall an evening not at all like this evening
With people who are not at all like you
I remember and evening, not at all like this evening
So long ago and clear, so shot through

I remember thinking that I had to take a little break
But I can't remember what it was that I was gonna say
So the spiders and the birds all gathered round and sang me songs
And I bent down and I whispered to them
What was going wrong?
Now, it's possible I'm lying, but I'll swear I heard them say
Buddy, you got lonely and you let the good things slip away

Kansas City winter's on the grapevine
Boston broke away and it's floating in the bay
St. Paul/Minneapolis and good old central time
Chicago story for another day...

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I Still Miss You

You came to me so easy, just like I prayed for
But you couldn't stay for long
You told me some lies, said it's all right to cry
But I still miss you

You filled me full of hope, far beyond reason
But the season of our love wasn't long
You didn't know how you hurt me so
But I still miss you

Can it be that I loved you
In such a short time?
Can it be that you showed me who you really were
But I, I was just blind?

You left me feeling angry
Scared and just plain dumb
And I'm numb from standing here in the cold
I promised you then we'd never meet again. Amen
But I still miss you.

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I Used to Call You Baby

I used to call you Baby, when the lights were down low
But now you've gone and taken that away
Now every time I see you, I just want to die
And any little thing can make me cry

I used to hold you, Honey, when the stars were aglow
But now that's just a shade of yesterday
Whenever I remember, teardrops start to fall
And I wonder why I'm still around at all

You broke my heart, with that other guy
I never knew the reason, no you never told me why
You left me hanging like the last autumn leaf on a tree

Do you remember when you told me that you'd always be true
And loving me was all that we can do?
Well, I don't know what happened, but now you've gone away
And there's nothing more that anyone can say.

INSTRUMENTAL

You broke my heart, with that other guy
I never knew the reason, no you never told me why
You left me hanging like the last autumn leaf on a tree

Do you remember when you told me that you'd always be true
And loving me was all that we can do?
Well, I don't know what happened, but I just want to die
And any little thing, yes any little thing can make me cry...

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In Dolph Park


I lived in Ann Arbor in the summer of 1999, part-time in the spring of 2000, and in the spring of 2001. In 2001, whilst driving a friend to an auto-body shop, I came across this small park. The sign read, I believe, "You may not stay in Dolph Park after dark." If any of you Michiganites know differently, please get in touch.

In Dolph Park, in Dolph Park
You can't stay after dark
You wish that you could, but you know that you won't
Stay in Dolph Park after dark

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Introducing the Door

Get out of my house
Let me be
Let me invite you all back in immediately

The tranquilizer's set to stun
The killing has not yet begun
I've seen you once or twice before
So let me introduce the door

Introducing the door
He comes from the third floor
He's a pretty nice guy
So please don't be shy
As you meet the door

Stand up and go through
If it's the first thing you do
I could have told you
The thresh would not hold you
As you met the door

The door is your hope
He's a long enough rope
It's not a big deal
He knows how you feel
When you meet the door

The door is your friend
But the door doesn't bend
Be kind to the door
Be kind to the door
Be kind to the door

A brink just crumbled to my head
If I were living I'd be dead
I've seen you twice or thrice before
So let me introduce the door

As empires fall
The door waited in the hall
You've started to run
But now what have you done
You've forgotten the door

The vaporizer's set to stun
The killing as not quite begun
I've seen you three times, maybe four
So let me introduce the door
Seen you too often to ignore
So let me introduce the door

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Invisible

I can't remember, he said
If I already scratched my head, he said
As he scratched his head and he looked at me
But he couldn't see me, because sometimes, I'm invisible

He said, we're getting everything done
And it seems like we've just begun, the sun
Is about to run, and he looked at me
It was very late, but we were very early

Nobody failed to hear
'Cause we tickled it in their ear to hear
That the end was near, and he looked at me
But it was A-OK, because nobody needs to tell me how to do my job.

And we ran around
We ran around inside on the stairs
We ran around
We ran around carrying some dangerous ideas

Officers took him away
And they took him and locked him away to stay
So they had their way, and they looked for me
But they couldn't find me, because now I'm always invisible

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Jealous of the Sunrise

In the winter of 1998-1999 and again in 1999-2000, I lived in Chicago, working in an office in the River North neighborhood. We took it in shifts to come in early to get the office going and answer a trickle of morning phone calls. In January, the rising sun came rolling down the street crossed the Ed Debevic's parking lot, and came over my shoulder through the wide office window. I think of it now like a big awkward dog, coming over to check you out, taking up all your space. I was glad of the company, but also annoyed by the intusion.

For the moment, now, I am alone here, but there's people coming in
And I'm not really sure that I'm ready for the day here to begin
'Cause I'm jealous of the sunrise. Want to have it all for my own
And right now I am alone here, and I like to be alone
But this solitude bothers my conscience
So I laugh till I hear my ribs crack
And I drink till I'm nearly unconscious
I've got to find some way to bring it all back

And I don't know who I am here, how I look inside of your eyes
If you knew me as I knew me, I would hope you'd at least be surprised
Maybe startled, maybe frightened, delighted, excited or scared
Maybe baffled or enlightened, there's so much that I want to see there
So I drink till I'm nearly unconscious
And I laugh till I hear my ribs crack
But this solitude bothers my conscience
I've got to find some way to bring it all back

There are people who live in the city, there are people who live off the land
There are some who are handsome and witty, and the rest of us do what we can
Some think liquor will make 'em look pretty, though it's really just harder to stand
But to every last one it's a pity, that there's no one who quite understands
And I don't really know what I'm doing
'Cept for trying to hard to fit in
And I'm either to smart or too stupid
Or maybe my skin's just been wearing to thin

And I'm jealous of the sunrise, want to have it all for my own
It's the twilight and the sunset, you don't care to see alone...

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Jean Q. Jaques


Jean Q. Jaques assembled this creation. He is a wise man disguised as a fool, he has the heart of an artist, a foxy wife, and a new grandchildish addition to his web of familial love.

Jean Q. Jaques, who in the world can he be?
Jean Q. Jaques, he's there but you can never see
Jean Q. Jaques, everybody wants to know him
Jean Q. Jaques, everybody wants to show him
How much they love him love him and how much he means to them
Every single day they're alive...

A cat lady sent his soul flying from its home
Now it's cast adrift, forevermore to roam
From life to life, and host to host
A weekend in the mountains, a decade on the coast
A life time in Morocco selling ginger beer and toast
Forty days in Chile, he always make the most
Of what he's got, which isn't much
Except his dog, Excalibutte

Jean Q. Jaques, how does he go where he goes?
Jean Q. Jaques, how does he know what he knows?
Jean Q. Jaques, everybody wants to know him
Jean Q. Jaques, everybody wants to show him
How much they love him love him and How much he means to them
Every single day they're alive...

A man of many words, he sometimes uses only one
He is the poet's poet, the philosophizer's son
Is over there, having a smoke
While Jean Q. Jaques is telling us a very subtle joke
That he learned living in the head of a woman who was very often broke
Who lived on cans of cat food and who giggled when she spoke
Of things she knew weren't quite polite
'Til Jean Q. brought them into the light

Do-do-doot-do, Do-do-doot-do, Do-do-doot-do-doo...

He wonders 'bout the meaning of it all
He's the man who put the writing on the wall
And he's learned that things are sometimes as they seem
As he searches for the recipe...
For Chocolate Wine Dead Carp Ice Cream

Jean Q. Jaques, who in the world can he be?
Jean Q. Jaques, he's the kind of guy that I might like to be
Jean Q. Jaques, everybody wants to know him
Jean Q. Jaques, everybody wants to show him
Jean Q. Jaques, Jean Q. Jaques, Jean Q. Jaques....

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Jenny & the Monkey/NYC


I lived outside of New York (Westechester County)in the winter of 2000-2001. As I went around to various open mics, I asked for any requests. Usually I could take a request and work out some involved way of connecting it to a song I knew. One night, my friend and co-worker, Heather, requested a song about 'laughing monkeys.' I couldn't do it, so I promised her I'd write one. Heather, this one is for you.
The New York Town bridge in the middle was actually a seperate song that never really took a life of its own. So I cobbled it in here. I find it nicely ironic that the line about 'never been to... New York' was actually worked into a song while in New York.

Jenny was an alcoholic, but she couldn't stand the taste of booze
Her children were all imaginary, so she hadn't got a thing to lose
When Jenny was just eleven, a fever lingered on
She never made it quite to heaven, but a part of her mind was gone
O-oh, who-oah

Jenny had a little brother, Ryan was his name
She tried to be his older sister, but poor Jenny was insane
Ryan had a little monkey, that he got down in Mexico
And when he went off to college, Jenny let the monkey go
O-oh, who-oah

And now the laughing monkeys sing this song
Oh, where has Jenny gone?
Yes, the laughing monkeys sing this song
Oh, where has Jenny gone?

I've never been to the New York town
But I've walked across the Mississippi
Never seen the ocean, never seen the sea
But they tell me that it's awful pretty
And they say you've never lived until you've gone

Never been to the Taj Mahal
But I've walked across the lands of Goshen
Underneath the water, underneath the ground
And you know that it's all in motion
And they say you've never lived until your born

Never been a man who's afraid of love
But I'm scared to death of dyin'
Maybe I'll never be the King of the world
But you know that I'll go down trying
'Cause they say you're never dead until you're gone
No, they say you're never dead until you're gone.

Ryan got so angry, Jenny had to hide away
She didn't understand he might be able to forgive her one day
So she hopped a train to Portland, stood by the waterside
She wished that she could go down there, Jenny wished that she could have died
O-oh, who-oh

And now the laughing monkeys sing this song
Oh, where has Jenny gone?
Yes, the laughing monkeys sing this song
Oh, where, oh where has poor old Jenny gone?

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Jesus Peterson

A hugely improvisational number, it has largely dropped out of the live set and as of this 2008 writing has yet to be recorded. The structure derives in part from the Great Uncle Helmer Song 'The Flinstones and the Witch on the Underground Subway Bus.' This song also had widely ranging improvisational verses loosely connected to a simple repetetive chorus. Some of the content was inspired by the Flannery O'Connor's novel Wiseblood. Mostly this song deals with the stereotypically trashy underbelly of urban life, and the narrator's underground and inadvertant quest to find a modern savior.

Jesus Peterson, I love you.

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Julio


This was recorded on Memphis Evans's Tascam four track, along with most of the rest of 'Art Is a Lie, Baby.' The inspirations for this song are lost in the mists of time. I've never known anyone named Julio - perhaps this is a subconscious echo of the Paul Simon song. Memphis has written a nice sequel to this song.

Julio punched him in the mouth because he seemed
A little big too ugly, and a little bit too smart
And Julio hid behind the barn with all the spiders and the stale grass
Made his wife a present out of baler twine and colored glass
And he dropped it in the mail, just a day before he left
And no one's ever heard of poor old Julio again.

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Kansas City, Nebraska

If there is such a thing as a Kaptain Karl Greatest Hit, this must be it. In the autumn of 1996, I drove from Northfield MN to Denver for a wedding. On the way home, I had an encounter which in certain details resembles the encounter in this song.
The backing vocals were originally sung by a Memphis Evans and members of Doc's Kids at a gig at the Cardinal Club at St. Mary's College (now University) in Winona. They were a spontaneous outburst from that crowd and made it to the recording with very little rewriting. [Memphis adds: The backing vox were inspired by some DK song, maybe the call and response of "Fade Away"? I may have a cassette of that in the basement.]
This recording was made at the Memphis Evens studio in Northfield, using his (then) brand new PowerMac with ProTools.

I was down in Nebraska, on my way to Kansas City
And nobody showed me the way I could find it on my own

Well, she said her name was Sheila, but I didn't quite believe her
'Cause I looked at the name on her coat, and I'll swear that it said Joan.

She said 'I'm headed East.' And I said 'I'm headed East.'
She asked me for a ride, so I offered her a ride. I was headed East.

She didn't talk a lot. She didn't have much to say.
So I turned, and I said to her, 'You don't have much to say.'

Well, she said that she was sorry, but she'd always heard that talk...
Talk would make you weak and talk was cheap and I said 'Babe, you got me wrong.'

Then I think she started smilin', but I had to turn away
'Cause I can't stand a smile, but in a while, she didn't smile that way

But then she looked so sad. So I asked if she was sad.
She told me I was dumb. I said 'How come?' She said 'Of course I'm feeling sad!'

She said her heart was broken. She had no friends and she was broke.
Her lover left her there in the square, she was all alone and broke

So I handed her a twenty, and I said I'd be her friend.
She said, 'I'm not a whore!' She slammed the door, and I said, 'That's not what I meant...'

INSTRUMENTAL

Well now I made it through Nebraska, and I'm here in Kansas City
But I wish that I had Sheila to talk to, or maybe even Joan.
Yeah, Sheila or Joan. Was it Sheila or Joan? Well, I guess I'll never know...

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Kaptain Karl Explains the Universe

While studying the philosophy of education back in 2000 (I believe), I was struck by the fact that so often we ask questions with the answers already in mind. I was also rather depressed. A recording exists, but as of this 2008 writing, it has not been released. It was one of my early efforts using Cubase with my iMac, also incorporating bass guitar. It was not long after that the truss rod in the neck of my Squire bass broke - an issue I have not yet fixed.
I particularly used 'iodine' in the lyric because I liked how it awful and jarring the idea of drinking iodine was in Simon and Garfunkel's 'Why Don't You Write Me?'

Two plus two is equal to the number that you had in your head
When you asked me the question in the first place
And today the number is four
And we're lucky that the number is four
'Cause we've heard that number before

Planets rotate at a very high velocity
But we're held in place by a force called gravity
And gravity's caused by mass
And we're lucky that it's caused by mass
'Cause the Earth has a comfortable mass

Take two pills and take two other pills
Swallow it down with a chaser of iodine
Sounds to me like a perfect recipe for death
And death is a very fine thing,, it's the opposite of birth, not life
But if I remember right, I didn't have such a good time being born
I was naked and cold and scared

Happiness is the ratio of things that happen to you that you like
To the things that you don't like and the things that happen in between
And everything's in between
Or that's the way it starts to seem
When you spend too much time in between

Gas expands in perfect correlation to the size of the space
And the pressure that is present to contain it.
But the pressure can get too high
You implode when the pressure is high
And the pressure can get too high.

Take two pills and take two other pills
Swallow it down with a chaser of iodine
Sounds to me like a perfect recipe for death
And death is a very fine thing,, it's the opposite of birth, not life
But if I remember right, I didn't have such a good time being born
I was naked and cold and scared

Two plus two is equal to the number that you had in your head
When you asked me the question in the first place
And today the number is four
And we're lucky that the number is four
'Cause we've heard that number before...

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Katherine's Bath

Katherine, Katherine, taking a batherine
Why don't you love me any more?

Angelo, Angelo, playing the banjelo
Why don't you call me any more?

Madeline, Madeline, ping-pongin' paddlein'
Why don't you play with me any more?

Jeremy, Jeremy, sits in a chairemy
Why don't you wave to me any more?

Mortimer, Mortimer, takes me to courtimer
Why don't you sue me any more?

Kimberly, Kimberly, long, lithe and limberly
Why don't you dance with me any more?

Katherine, Katherine, taking a batherine
Why don't you love me any more?

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Katherine's Wasteland

There's a wasteland in my mind of Katherine
Even though it's been a year or more
And though the aching still grows less
The space remains as emptiness
That echoes like a well
So deep it's hard to tell it's even there

When she left, I thought, "How could it matter?"
She had shared so little of my time
But though the days we spent were few,
The things she said were new to me
I never thought that there could be
The things that she made true for me

Why I thought that I could live without her
Is beyond my poor imagining
And as lovers come and go
The Lord above does know
That they're only killing time
Like words to fill a rhyme that's dead and dry

And so I send these word to you my Katherine
Just to say I'm waiting for you still
And as I face these days alone
I dream about my home
Where I'll return in time
With Katherine by my side, if she will go

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KFC Hell

The boy at the counter has two sets of teeth in his face
And a greasy young man scoops up gravy on two sets of plates
And the old people gather and stare at the soda machine
And they point and they gape and think what can it possibly mean
The old ladies look like some joker just joked about rape
'Cause the sign that says water is smaller and differently shaped

And everyone's getting me down, just 'cause they're hanging around
And I'm thinking and wondering now how to set 'em all free
'Cause everyone's looking so bored, they can't seem to fit through the door
And nobody cares to look anymore if they might have the key

The man in the wheelchair stakes out his space on the floor
And his wife carries dishes of water, but I can't tell what for
But she's fat and she's ugly, and tired of being that way
And she looks all around her and everything's colored in grey
She's offended, indignant and mean, and she can't crack a smile
And the only thing thicker than water she knows of is bile.

And everyone's getting so mad, and everyone's looking so sad
That the only idea I had was to make 'em all see
That only by taking my hand, will they ever walk free in this land
And it's high high time they all began to start living like me.

The old lady's angry at something she sees has been done
By somebody else out the window and under the sun
And her husband is angry he's managed to live for so long
And complaining that nobody cares is his favorite song
And he budges in line with a gracefulness borne of ennui
And the next guy in line would have stopped him, except it was me

And everyone's going insane, though the answer is really quite plain
They're afraid that they can't stand the pain if they take time to see
For if you should open your eyes, and you see through the jokes and the lies
Then a sad little part of you dies as it breaks itself free

The woman at my back tells her dad 'bout her trip down the Rhine
The food was quite heavy of course, but the weather was fine
And the kids liked the park that they stopped in outside of Berlin
But the rides were expensive, and nobody buckled you in
And we went when we knew the museums would mostly be closed
Those damn camps are depressing and my kids just won't need to know

And everyone's getting me down, just cause they're hanging around
And I'm thinking and wondering now, if it isn't just me
'Cause lately I'm feeling so sad, and everything's making me mad
But the worst advice I ever had was just let it all be
'Cause nobody else seems to care, no, they won't get in anyone's hair
And now everyone's starting to stare at the monster that's me
And everything's getting me down, just 'cause I'm hanging around
But I'm thinking and wondering now if it isn't just me.

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Lazy Troika

I.
Three AM is lots of fun, but it gets me all depressed
I took some time from everything, to try and get some rest
So I watch commercials all day long, ten million people can't be wrong
And now it's looking betterless, the nearly perfect second best.

Read a book from Noon till Night, but never wrote a line
I keep a safe that's locked up tight and counted all that's mine
So I mix the tense in sl;eeping bags, absurdly clothe myself in rags
And send a pleasant dream to fight for someone else to light my light

II.
I can't believe how lazy I am
Eating cold soup straight out of the can
I've been wearing this shirt for three days straight
But I feel all right so that's OK

III.
Oh, my God, is it three o'clock already
I've been sleeping all day long...
Oh, my God, is it three o'clock already
I've been sleeping all day long...

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Leaving Chicago

Well, it's a far cry from California
But I'm leaving Chicago, just the same
No time left to even say goodbye
Just grab my suitcase, my guitar and my name

Now I'm crawling along at seventy-five
Beneath the infinite cloud-speckled sky
Afternoon sunshine pushing me from behind
Listening to that mix you sent
Thinking 'bout what it was my father meant
Keeping just a little from everyone that I've met

Well, it's a far cry from California
But I'm leaving Chicago, just the same
Used to try and draw it straight and true,
But now the colors have gone outside the frame

Driving by the woods and the cemeteries
Talking to the hotel secretaries
Waking up, never knowing quite where I am
Dirty word scribbled on the public pay phone
Static interference, but no dial tone
Staying awake, going just as far as I can

There's nothing on the radio
But the preachers and the kids in day-glo
No one here I'd possibly know
Not much else to do here, but go
So I'm back on the road...

Na na na na na na na nah... (etc.)

Well, it's a far cry from California
But I'm leaving Chicago, just the same
No time left to even say goodbye
Just grab my suitcase, my guitar and my name

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Li'l Fingerpickin' Song

This coffee shop is closed now. I think it's some sort of pricey Nokomis area eatery. What you see is what you get.

I waited and waited for you to come in
I stood with my face in the rain and I waited
But you never showed and I was so sad
'Cause you were the only hope I ever had
And that makes me sound like a nut
But really I'm as sane as a crazy man can be

You've got your own life, you sure don't need mine
Well, neither do I, but it's the only one I've got
And really I like it, so just go to Hell
There's no one like me who could do half so well
That guy with the hair, you know, it's frizzy and blonde
He finally figured out what's going on
He told me you wouldn't be in here tonight
I lied and I told him that that would be all right.

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Little Ropes

Just broke up with someone, though it wasn't particularly bad. Got some good songs out of it.

Little ropes, little ropes

There's little ropes here all the time
I thought that they were safety lines
But now I see, they're hanging free
They curl around above the ground
You made a noose and cut me loose
And I'm falling...

Little ropes, little ropes

Loved you for a long, long time
I thought that your love was mine
But now I know it isn't so
So maybe I should sit and cry
You played me well, so go to hell
My darling...

Little ropes, little ropes

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Look at the Rain

I know I don't write too much. I really should do better
'Cause I think of you most of the time
Are you happy where you are? For myself, I really couldn't say
It's all unreal
I just can't believe your out there where it's always
Hot and sunny all the time
I just can't believe your out there where it's always
So far away

Found a picture late last night, of a happy couple of kids
Then I remembered who it was
And so I end up sitting here just thinking about the weather
Thinking that it sure is warm for this time of the year
Look at this dirty town
Look at the rain come down
February's on my mind

Oh, look at the rain comin' down. Oh, look at the rain

Can't you see it had to be this way?
Even though I miss you nearly all of the time?
What good is a break in the weather when the sun won't even shine?
I want to ask you everything
But I guess we can't talk like that anymore
Are you mad at me? Do you spend your mornings crying?
Or do you think about me at all?

Oh, look at the rain comin' down. Oh, look at the rain...

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Love on the Coast

This is a direct answer (maybe even a rip-off) of the Memphis Evans song, 'Sex on the Beach.' I started writing it, and realized as I neared the end of the first verse that the chords, structure, and general groove were almost identical to the other song.
Each of the events mentioned here commemorates a moment in my relationship with a number of people in the winter of 2001-2002. There has been a tiny bit of editting since then, but this primarily sits as originally composed.

Brett was building houses, Brett was tearing down a dream
Kennebec was falling through then cracks and in between
Merril pushed her hair back, but it always stayed the same
Haven's looking better, but he's still a little lame
Wendell had a wife, but Wendell's wife just went away
Lisa loves the Lord she folds her hands to bow and pray
Billy had a baby, and she loves it like a son
I got all relaxed and ran the river in reverse
But I realized I'd only written Dave another verse

Aimee's in New York and Aimee's in Chicago now
Kaptain Karl says he misses both of them, and how
Meredith convinced herself to wait another day
Carrie kept on smiling in he disbelieving way
Michelle recorded TV, but Michelle still missed her show
Dana said that last year she had never seen the snow
Leslie's by herself but says she doesn't mind it much
Other Aimee hopes her team will come through in the clutch
I tried to find a way to keep this pain form getting worse
But I realized I'd only written Dave another verse.

Andrew acted bashfully and Andrew acted bold
Walter wanted wisdom, but it wasn't his to hold
Sarah never let her people know her real name
Leonard finally laid aside his failing quest for fame
Brian fell in love, but Brian never played guitar
Weaver says in love you never know just where you are
Benny says that he is proof enough to disagree
Justin just got married and he talks it up to me
I looked form side to side and gave a startled foreign curse
When I realized I'd only written Dave another verse

Chris was thinking logically and Chris was making love
Kristi waited desperately for push to come to shove
Anokaheal decided he should jump back in the game
Christopher was finally going by his given name
Kathryn was burned and Kathryn jumped back in the fire
Kevin heard angelic voices coming down the wire
Nathaniel was blown by phone calls far out into space
Phineas was finding no affection in her face
I was slowing down to try and give this thing some time
But I realized I'd only given Dave another rhyme

Marty wracked and wondered, Marty tried to have some fun
Stuart couldn't stop from stealing glances at the sun
Nick just looked around and looked uncomfortable and shy
Ralphie wasn't smart enough to figure out just why
Washington was wondering where Washington had been
Pam put in appearances then disappeared again
John came back and joined in just to put in his two pence
John came to conclusions, but they didn't make much sense
I tried to fit these pieces into something that was mine
But I realized I'd only written Dave another line

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Megan's Memory Song

Well, I haven't seen you since nineteen and ninety-one
But we used to be in love, and you know we used to have fun
So I thought maybe I should try to track you down
So I made a couple phone calls back to your old home town

I finally got your number and I tried to place the call
But I really wasn't sure I want to talk to you at all
'Cause what if we're both still dumb and nervous
And never got back beneath the surface

Oh, when my memory fails
And ,oh, when my vision fails
Then, oh, all my reality fails
And there's something that isn't far away...

Well, I said my prayers and I punched the numbers in
My hands were shaking and my blood was running thing
Then I heard your voice, it was soft and so serene
And then I realized it was just your damn machine

I said 'Hey, it's me. If you want you can give me a ring.
'I just called to say hi. I didn't really need anything."
So I hung up the phone and turned out the light
And just sat around by myself all night

Oh, when my memory fails
And ,oh, when my vision fails
And, oh, when my courage fails
Then, oh, all my reality fails
And there's something that isn't far away...

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Miles Away

Another one gone
Another one soon to follow
But we'll all be together. Yes, we'll all meet again

Didn't know how much I'd miss you
You probably would have felt the same
It only goes to show how far away I've been

And I've been miles away
Miles and miles and miles away
Miles away.

It makes me think.
Of course it makes me think
What could I do better? What could I have done?

All these miles away
Miles and miles and miles away
Miles away.

INSTRUMENTAL

Another one gone
Another one soon to follow
But we'll all be together. Yes, we'll all meet again

Be it miles away
Miles and miles and miles away
Miles away.

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Milk & Honey


The theme song of Milk & Honey.

Milk & Honey goes down easy
Milk & Honey oh, so fine
Milk & Honey sure can please me
Milk & Honey will you be mine?

Who do you love? Milk & Honey
Who do you crave? Milk & Honey
What makes your skin so soft and healthy
Your hair so shiny and well behaved?

Why are you here? Milk & Honey
Why are you here? Milk & Honey
Why are you there? Milk & Honey
When I want you over here with me...

Milk & Honey, strong and handsome
Milk & Honey, standing strong
Milk & Honey come and listen
And we'll play you your favorite song

Yellow & Black, Milk & Honey
Black & White, Milk & Honey
Black and Blue, Milk & Honey
When I'm alone, I want to be with you

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Moon, The

The Moon came down and walked around
On the corner of Boulevard Street
I looked at the fancy leather gloves he wore
And the silver-buckled shoes on his feet
I said, Hey you're the moon! He said, I guess that's so,
But tell me how is it that I've been found?
Could you tell by the color of the craters in my crown
Or is it just because I'm big and round?

I took him to a show, but we had to go
'Cause he lit the movies up too bright
So we walked downtown and we fooled around
We were both of us feeling all right
We went into a club and he tore up the floor
He was moving, he was smooth and tight
The people started clapping and calling for more
And the Moon became a star for just one night

Came the dawn, the Moon was gone
But he said it was his favorite night
He called me friend and then he said
You know, he'd help me out if ever he might
So I told him 'bout a girl, how I loved her so
And think that maybe she loved me
And if he'd kinda shine a little magic down
Maybe she would fall for me

INSTRUMENTAL

The Moon shown down and he touched the ground
With a light that seemed to stay in her eyes
When I saw that spark shining in the dark
I knew the Moon had changed both of our lives
'Cause the night got quiet and the wind grew still
I could hear the pounding of her heart
She kissed me soft and she kissed me slow
And I knew right then we'd never part

Now she and me and the Moon make three
We'll be together for the rest of our lives
Hand in hand walking 'cross the land
With the Moon shine in down from the sky

Bop ba doh doh doh...

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Most Piteous Tale of the Death of William McKinley, our 23rd President, The

Czolgosz McKinley Honigman used to play a ballad about Charles Guiteau, the man who shot president James Garfield. I liked the song, but I couldn't remember any of it. So, I wrote my own presidential assassination ballad. This song is almost entirely factually incorrect. McKinley was actually done in by a guy named Leon Frank Czolgosz, an anarchist making a political point. McKinley was a Captain in the Civil War, not a General, and was killed in New York not at the Capitol. He was shot, however, and in 1901 as the song states.

General McKinley, brave man and true
Shot by a coward, killed by a fool
Greed bought the pistol and pride moved the hand
And now we have lost a most honorable man

The killer, John Stephens, a soldier had been
Fought the dirty Spaniards at La Nacien
They paid him for fighting, one dollar a day
He gambled and rambled and drank it away

He went to poor Betsy that he'd left behind
He said, 'Let us marry, and you shall be mine.'
'Oh no, John, oh no, John,' is what Betsy said
'To a man such as you, I shall never be wed.

'You have got no money, you have got no pride
'No, Johnny, no Johnny, I'll not be your bride.'
That villian, John Stephens, so greedy and vain
He stole twenty dollars and boarded a train

He came to the State House in 1901
He carried a pistol, he carried a gun
He mounted the steps and he walked down the hall
Determined to see our fair President fall

He looked in the doorway his victim to find
McKinley to all of this danger was blind
He stood and stepped forward to greet the young man
Who took out his pistol and raised up his hand

The great man so wounded now dropped to his knees
These last words he spoke, 'Nearer my God to Thee.'
The fool John Stephens would not even run
He stood by the vainglorious deed he had done

The Judge told him, "Johnny, this prize you have won:
'Your life soon is over, your race has been run
'You raised up your pistol, a good man has died
'You did this through anger, you fall 'fore your pride.

'Now pray god for mercy, yes, pray even though
'Your soul is more suited to Hell far below.'
'This wisdon,' cried Johnny, 'it cuts like a knife.
'I wish I had learned it early in life.'

Poor Johnny Stephens, swung long and high
Took a man's life and was fated to die.
All you who listen, had best lead your lives
Absent the sin of vainglory and pride.

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Mysterioso

Hey watch me go, Mysterio
I've got your name here in my hand
Let's have a dance strike up a band
Those Silvertones are in my bones
And while we're circling here so slow
Tell me your name I've got to know
Mysterioso

I'm watching you, you know I do
And you were standing there tonight
Before you vanished from our sight
And there you are, at least so far
And though you've never told me yet
We're not as close as we might get
Mysterioso

I don't know why you think you'll die
If anybody knows your face
And has a name that they can place
Here comes the flood, it's thick as blood
And though I don't know who you are
It seems they're calling from afar
Mysterioso

There's only so many things that I can ask you
And there's always many left than you and I could ever do
I see some patterns stenciled on the corners of your heart
But all I can make out is the lonely letter Q

And now the lights are far too bright
And though you haven't noticed yet,
The floor is warped and getting wet
The eyes I see stare back at me
The music's twisting in my ear
And now I know the things you fear

There's only so many things that I can ask you
And there's always many left than you and I could ever do
I see some patterns stenciled on the corners of your heart
But all I can make out is the lonely letter Q

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New York City(TMBG)

Missed you by twelve hours
And you're somewhere in this city now
I'm here to share your secret power
But I can't say that you let me down

Maybe I will meet your ghost
Standing up here on the stage
I'm introduced by your same host
But the cables have been rearranged

New York City hides you in its shiny lights and stories
New York City offers me the shredded shadows of your glory
New York City's bigger than I'd been led to believe
It's just a tiny small bit smaller than this organ on my sleeve

And everyone is drunk and everybody claps their hands
And everybody hopes that maybe they can meet the band
And I am no different in New York City
It's the land of individual expression, here it's New York City
And I find that I am no individual in New York City

Missed you by twelve hours
And you're somewhere in this city now
I'm here to share your secret power
But I can't say that you let me down
Even if you really kind of let me down
No, I Just can't say that you let me down
But you know you really kinda let me down

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No One's Here

There's no one here yet, everyone's happy
I could be holding onto my breath

Watching an airplane flying above me
Wondering quickly who's coming in

Seems like I'm hearing echoes of music
In the wallpaper under the rug

And if you know much about me, you could be sure
I would amuse you like a cartoon
And if I fall, you couldn't catch me
I'd slip like a big piece of paper down through your hand

There's no one here yet, everyone's happy
I could be holding onto my breath

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North on the Soo Line

She is north up on the Soo Line, and I will not see her soon
If I left tomorrow morning, I could be there Sunday noon
But I cannot pay the passage, and I don? make what I owe
I must work here through the winter, for the Boss won? let me go.

In these long, dark nights of winter,
It? for you my heart does long
May the good Lord bless us truly
May our hearts be ever strong

When the season? gone and over, when the Winter? turned to Spring
I will come for you my darling, I will bear a golden ring
We will build ourselves a cabin, we will buy ourselves a farm
When the next year? snows come howlin I will warm you in my arms

In these long, dark nights of winter,
It? for you my heart does long
May the good Lord bless us truly
May our hearts be ever strong
May the good Lord bless us truly
May our hearts be ever strong



Nothing Strange

If you think back, I'm sure that you'll recall
A man lying flat on his back in the grass
Smiling 'bout nothing at all
Well, there's nothing strange about that
He's only dreaming of the girl who's never coming back

He's happy but he's lonely
Dreaming of her only now and then, with a kind of a twinge
But usually he remembers
The things they did together and he wishes they could do it again
But every time he thinks about the fun they had
He wishes that he didn't have to feel to bad

He's serious, but silly
Walking willy-nilly through remembrances he holds in his heart
He knows it would be better
If he could just forget her, but he hasn't found a place he can start
And even if he let the memory slip away
He knows that it would come again another day

So, if you think back, I'm sure that you'll recall
A man lying flat on his back in the grass
Smiling 'bout nothing at all
Well, there's nothing strange about that
No, there's nothing strange about that

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Oh, No!

There's things on my floor
A great big green one by the door
A brown one in bib overalls with new synthetic ears
Is watching me try on prosthetic fears
My bathroom ceiling might be leaking
Anthropomorphocologically speaking
I'll check behind the ceiling tile
While you are busy peaking underneath my dirty laundry pile

And stored in the shed
Are stacked and sor(did)ted severed heads
Two have got no brains at all
But I'm a great big fan of the imploded-nosed albino man
The author resting on my dresser
Once knew a woman who told her confessor
I'll draw a bath in Russian salts
That surely is no lesser than reliving famous people's faults.

There's things in my head
That used to live but now they're dead
I kicked my head so hard against the locomotive train
I've got to kick again to ease the pain
My bathroom ceiling might be leaking
Biogeneticologically speaking
I'll wipe the water from the floor
While you are busy seeking out the secrets that I hid before

The airplane went down with a monster at the wheel
But no one believed her 'cause the monster wasn't real.
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
Do these things when I am gone
I banged my head on the wall
I banged it real hard on the wall, but it still didn't fall
Oh no, oh no...

The trapdoor was under the place where Allie sits
And when it opened up, she fell into the gator pit.
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
Do these things when I am gone
I banged the table with my hand
I banged it real hard, but they still wouldn't understand
Oh no, oh no...

The pirates captured Terry and they took him out to sea
He tried to reason with them, but they wouldn't set him free
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
Do these things when I am gone
I banged my head on the floor
I banged it real hard on the floor, but I don't know what for
Oh no, oh no...

The bridge-keeper's down
Three questions answered by a clown
The water leaking through the roof is dripping on their pants
But all they want to do is sing and dance.
My mysteries are all up-ended
Everything's over, and under-protected
I'll let you stay a little while
But when you've comprehended, please replace my leaky ceiling tile
I banged the wall onto my head
I banged it real hard on my head but I still wasn't dead
Oh no, oh no... Oh no, oh no...

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One More Man from Wisconsin

One more man from Wisconsin
One more man in the headlines
One more man to mark his tally on the chalkboard of the damned

One more man with neurosis
One more man with psychosis
One more man to mark this mantra on the chalkboard of the damned

I will not kill the innocents
I will not let the children die
I'll keep in check all my fantasies
I'll dig no dungeons in the sky

One more man from Wisconsin
One more man in the headlines
One more man to mark his tally on the chalkboard of the damned

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Paradise Found

Pete Rivard suggested the title to this song.

There's a window above the coffee shop
And there's a couple people up there walking around
And I can label them with perjoratives and never make a sound
Oh, what a paradise it is that I have found
Oh, yes, it's a paradise here that I have found

And there's a little bit of difference in the morning
And there's a little bit more difference in the day
And there's a different kind of way that I can tell you when I say
That it's a paradise here that I have found
Oh, yes, it's a paradise here that I have found

And there are people walking dogs around the neighborhood
And I could almost walk back home if I didn't drive
And from the back door at the laundromat people wave and look alive
Oh, what a paradise here I have found
Oh, yes, it's a paradise here that I have found

And she'll be back the day after tomorrow
And I can draw her once again into my arms
And I can tell her that I care for her and never make a sound
Oh, what a paradise here that I have found
Oh, yes, it's a paradise here that I have found

And I'm alone, but never lonely in my loneliness
And I am always in the center of the ring
And I will never be removed from all this happy happening
Here in this paradise that I have found
Oh, yes, it's a paradise here that I have found
Oh, what a paradise it is that I have found

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Predictable

She's the star of her own TV, I watch the reruns in my head
She's only here when she's here by me, she only sleeps with me in bed
She's predictable, in a way you might expect
She does just what she wants to do
And she hasn't surprised me yet

When I fell for her it made me feel like I'd only just fallen in love
When she looks at me it makes me feel like she never quite sees enough
She knocks the spark off her cigarette when she tries to tap the ash
Tells me she's twenty, but I know she's more - she can sing like Johnny Cash

She's predictable, in a way you might expect
She does just what she wants to do
And she hasn't surprised me yet
'Cause she's predictable, predictable,
Predictable in a way you might expect
She does just what she wants to do
And she hasn't surprised me yet

Strong men carry a heavy pack, weak men often don't
Cowards face to the heavy facts, brave men often won't
I was never like any of them, I guess I never saw the light
But I always like to think of her now and then and I figure that that's my right

She's predictable, in a way you might expect
She does just what she wants to do
And she hasn't surprised me yet
'Cause she's predictable, predictable,
Predictable in a way you might expect
She does just what she wants to do
And she hasn't surprised me yet

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Rainmakers

CHORUS
We are the Rainmaker
Drawing water from a dry sky
We are the Rainmakers

Could this earth be tilled, fruitful once again?
Question seem so simple, why no answer then?
Curling vines and twisting leaves are drying in the air
In their sleep they delve beneath the soil lying bare
Hope to find the water that they're certain must be there

CHORUS

Could this soul be saved, sacred once again?
Question seem so simple, why no answer then?
Whirling like a dervish in the darkness of the dawn
Spinning till the wonder and the fear she knows are gone
Hope to get away from what just keeps on going on

CHORUS

Could this heart be healed, hopeful once again?
Question seem so simple, why no answer then?
Everything is whirling in a slow-time picture-show
Watch the frames as they click on the features as they flow
Hope that they can teach us things that we can never know

CHORUS

Could this be the morning, stealing up the sky?
Covers up the darkness, clear and still and dry
If you let the morning hypnotize your eyes
You might find you're wearing out your pale old disguise
Fear no sort of danger, fear no dreadful pain
Never fear your joyful dancing out beneath the rain

CHORUS

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Samurai and the Cowboy

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...

The Samurai and the Cowboy met on the shore of a lake
Where they chewed the fat and shot the breeze
And passed the time of day
The Samurai said to the Cowboy, 'That sure is a mighty fine gun!'
And the Cowboy said of the Samurai's sword, 'I've never seen a finer one!'

So the Samurai and the Cowboy, on the Cowboy's horse they set forth
And they rode by the light of the Sun and the Moon
Till they came to the frozen North
And there they met an Eskimo, killing seal-fish dead with a spear
He looked at the two on the horse and said, 'Now, what are you doing here?'

So the Samurai and the Cowboy rode around the Earth
They crossed the Prairie and drank from the Ocean
Just to see what it was worth

INSTRUMENTAL

So the Samurai and the Cowboy, they married each other one day
They never were sad, and they never were mad
They were always happy and gay

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...

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Shadowy Figure

Can I be a shadowy figure, from your shadowy past?
Can I talk to you tonight, if I make it fast?
Tell me everything you remember, tell me what you know
Do you still recall my name? It was so long ago
Don't let him hurt you before you go
I'm watching out for you, so just let go

I could never quite believe anything you said
Maybe I could - no I couldn't, now, get out of my head
Tell me everything that you told me, thrill me to the core
I don't get that thrilling feeling ever anymore
Don't let him hurt you before your gone
I'm coming to the rescue, so just hang on

Can I be a shadowy figure from your shadowy past?
If we had a strange adventure, how long would it last?
Tell me everything that you want to, tell me all your dream
'Cause fifteen hundred miles away is closer than it seems
Don't let him hurt you before you leave
I'm gonna save you from that bastard Steve.

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Shower Street (Corduroy Pants)

Well, I met her down on Shower Street,
And she asked me what I was starin' for
I told her she was pretty neat,
But she didn't understand my metaphor
Asked her to dance in my corduroy pants, but she laughed out loud
At the rippety sound

We danced all through the town
From the corner down to the grocery store
Finally the sun went down
And we couldn't see the sidewalk anymore
I asked her to bed and she scratched her forehead, but I laughed out loud
At the scritchety sound

Well, I slept out on the floor
Because a perfect gentleman is what I was
She said she couldn't love me any more
When I asked her why she said 'Well, just because.'
I begged her to marry and be my sweet wife, but she laughed out loud
For the rest of her life

Well, it makes me sad and I feel so bad
'Cause I'll never ever wear those corduroy pants again

But I'll find a new girl with hair down to there
And we'll buy ourselves a brand new pair of those pants
Those corduroy pants

Yeah me and that girl with hair down to there
We'll go flying away high up in the air
Wearing ourselves a brand new pair of those pants
Those corduroy pants
Those corduroy pants

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Sliver Bells

C'mere and I'll tell you a story, a tale that's all about me
I'm afraid that you might find it boring
'Cause I know it's been told before, told many times
But it's all I can give you for free

I live in a basement apartment, sleep on an old sofa bed
Shovel the sidewalk to pay the rent
But it's less than it's cracked up to be and it seems that
Humility goes to your head

The weather is cold and it's bitter, but at least I don't have to go out
Yeah, I got no money and I got no job
But that's just 'cause I'm lazy and a trifle too proud
To ride bike on a newspaper route

So I thought I'd cheer myself up,
By drawing a picture with my crayon set
But the one purple crayon I wanted to use, it was gone
Boy was I pissed

There's no place I'm wanting to be, though maybe I really should go
Something has happened to me
I used to be the unstoppable hero
Now I'm mediocrity Joe

Friends and lovers like opium, keeping my mind off of thinking
If I weren't so scared of looking dumb
I'd be down at the Reub-n-stein, sipping my alcohol
Hearing the empty glass clinking

The propane light flickers and threatens, making my little room smell
There's a certain appeal that beckons
Go on seal the windows and seal up the doors and
My god, I just feel like Hell

So I went to do laundry instead,
But today when I went to put on my pants
I noticed that there were these purple spots all over them
Boy was I pissed

I'm a Jack of all trades and ambitions, master of nothing and none
My existence is one of conditions
Because I've been trying out, lately been finding out
Hedonists don't have much fun

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So It's a Life (Initial B)

I robbed a bank with a guy named Clyde
He's te one who's always go that woman by his side
I like him fine, and she's OK
But if she wasn't here, I woldn't mind it anyway
I've got a friend, a different one
He likes to drink, she likes to cry or just have fun
She's kinda fat, he won't eat meat
I like to talk with them, but their big brains just hurt my feet

So it's a life
Much like your own
Don't forget to call your lonely mother on the phone

Another guy is always sad
But I can get like that so that guy doesn't get me mad
I have a wife, I love her so
But she's the kind who likes to stay and not where I would go
I call her B, initial B
And I forget offhand what people like to call at me
I am not hard to get toknow
Unless you're in me trying out like mad to steal the show

Don't kid yourself, you're nothing new
But that's no problem when you know that I am nothing, too
I'm made of blood, I'm made of bone
My house is made of wood sometime my heart is made of stone
So it's a life
Much like your own
Don't forget to call your lonely mother on the phone

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Sobsel D'Nalsi

There is an island in the deep blue sea
So far from shore that you can hardly see
The mountains rising up like a couple of rosy cheeks
The mountains covered up by a couple of snowy peaks

You might not know this island, but it's got a name
And once you hear it, you won't never be the same
When you hear the voice, it'll make your senses reel
And it changes every single thing you think and you feel

Some people go there for a holiday
Some people live there, others are castaways
But they see the mountain tops, pointing to the sky
And they want to stay there forever and they'll tell you they know why

Some people go there just to get away
Only gonna stay there for a couple of days
But the days stretch out for the rest of your life
And it's hard to recall if you've got a husband child or a wife

Never understood before, not sure that I do yet
How you deny the things you're bound to find
Just to show how turned around around you all can get
You'll never have what you don't want
So you'd better hurry up and change your mind

I'd like to go there for a long weekend
Just me and you and some of your Island friends
But they hardly every let an invitation slip
From that valley down between the frozen frigid grip

There is an island in the deep blue sea...

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Spanish Viper

Spanish Viper, Spanish Viper
Saves the world, Spanish Viper

The lights were low, the ink was bad
The only comfort Robert had
Were in the tabloid tales of the Spanish Viper

A hero for these troubled days
He works in mysterious ways
And everybody knows the Spanish Viper

The Viper comes, the Viper goes
All that anybody knows
Is they all owe their thanks to the Spanish Viper

His sneakers leap down from the shelf
They play the keyboards by themselves
He plays guitar, that crazy fiend
He rocks and rolls, he shouts and screams
The Spanish Viper disappears
You look around, but he ain't here
You seek him high, you seek him low
But only Robert Weaver knows...

Spanish Viper, Spanish Viper
Saves the world, Spanish Viper

It used to be another guy
But then that guy, he up and died
So now the Spanish Viper's Robert Weaver

INSTRUMENTAL

Robert comes and Robert goes
And all that anybody knows
Is they all owe their thanks to the Spanish Viper
Spanish Viper, Saves the world, Spanish Viper

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Spoke

He said, the moon's out tonight
As it shed its silver light
On the rails running north from the town
And I sat with him there
In the cool autumn air
And we watched a lonely freight train running down
He closed his weary eyes
As the train went rushing by
Pulling hoppers full with iron ore and coke
He was tired, he was worn
And his clothes were racked and torn
And his voice was a whisper when he spoke

Where he was bound, where he was from
Who he was and what he'd done
He gave neither inkling, nor sign
When the train had gone by
I could hear the old man sigh-
Said, I surely hope that coming train is mine
I said, you may be confused
For this tack is seldom used
A train or two each day at the most.
And they haul only freight
So no matter how you wait
The only train you'll catch here is a ghost.

Then his eyes looked at mine
And a light began to shine
And though there was no mortal sound
Down the track, so it seemed,
Came a shiver and a gleam
And a rumble rolling silent through the ground
Through the door open wide
Came the faint conductor's cry-
All aboard, one last time (pass-en-gers) all aboard!
He said you did what you could
And your company was good
But I'm not bound to this world anymore.

Now I've borrowed your ear
But I've got no souvenir
Of that night to show my story is true
But I'll never forget,
And you may believe me yet
When the long midnight train comes for you.

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Starguise

I reached my hand, but it wouldn't fit inside
If anyone found out I probably would have died
Because it's just that awful

CHORUS
Sit down, sit down over there, I can't see the moon
Whistle a kind of tune above the tablets and the tearsheet turners
My rocket's almost ready
And my rocket charts should be here pretty soon

A little voice came down to me, I guess from outer space
It smelled like vetiver when everybody smelled like mace
It helped me find some work but said I'd never see his face
Because it's just that ugly

CHORUS

I saw a comet and I knew the king had died
I never saw him, but I never really tried
I had to laugh out loud, I turned my face to hide
Because it's just that sad

CHORUS
I'm lost in outer space, and I can't see the moon
But my rocket charts should be here pretty soon
I'm feeling lost in space and, like I said, I still can't see the moon
But my rocket charts should be here pretty soon

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Stop, Drop & Roll

Roll, roll out the carpet, and stand back out of the way
And see, see, see now, watch the procession
Stand back and watch the parade
Can't you feel it?
The Earth it rumbles, the pavement crumbles away

Stop, stop all your talking and look out over the day
And hear, hear, hear, now, listen to nothing
And understand what you say
No, no, no,
Don't try to say it, you'll have to pay if you do
And wallets bursting are hard to come by
And we are run by a few

Drop, drop off the planet, pick it up on your way back
And go down, down, down, look even closer,
We'll have to see about that
Can't you see them?
The troubles rising,, the people sizing you up
Wonder if it could all be worth it
But you can never give up

Where, where are you going, while I'm still talking to you
Don't you take that tone with me, you'll see it can't be done
Don't you try to run away, you'll see it can't be done

Now, now that you know it, now what are you gonna do
Hope and pray and just shrug your shoulders
What does it matter to you?
No, no, no
Don't you believe it. It matters more than you know

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Stu?

I said, 'Stu, You're drunk.' and he said, 'I'm not Stu.'
So I turned around and I could not see you.
Where have all the people gone? I used to know so many
Now the room is filling up, and it seems I don't know any...

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Suicide Hurts

We tossed a Ron Jon Frisbee in the dark, I couldn't see
I haven't felt as good as that for one enormous week
And everyone knew my name and how I like it said
But now I'm here alone with something wrong inside my head

Listened to the news tonight and I wished that it was me
Sprawled out on the sidewalk, 'cause at least then I'd be free
Well, maybe not, but anyway, the thought had crossed my mind
But I know it makes you nervous, so I'll shut up and be kind
Hey look at me, happy and free!
How do I rate? I should feel great
But everything's relative, seldom unseen
And I keep on having this wonderful dream

High up on a narrow ledge suspended in the air
There's nothing at my back, and now the wind combs through my hair
There's nothing left for me to do, but say goodbye to you
But it's too late for that now, 'cause I guess I've hit the ground
Morbid am I, crazy and high
Houston-controlled, shaken and rolled
My life isn't mine, but I'm feelin' just fine
Or, that's what I say when I can't get away

So, toss that Ron Jon Frisbee here and we'll head off to the park
Where the fountains are on fire, and it's never ever dark
But it's hard to live without the things that you can't live without
And I guess I was mistaken, all the fountains have gone out
So toss that Ron Jon Frisbee here, I'll do the best I can...

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Tall as the Mountains

She's tall as the mountains and bright as the sky
And her hair is the color of sun in her eyes
And her heart is unraveled in silken confusion
She can laugh or weep without a sigh

Her smile is the sun on a warm winter's day
In her eyes is the sorrow that takes it away
And the best I can offer is just an illusion
Hiding all that stands in her way

Well, I wish I could hold her and help her to stand
But then nothing would hurt like the touch of my hand
All it would be is a stranger's intrusion
From a distant and far away land

And I love her like I love the mountains
All around me, their infinite colors astound me
All shades of the same eyes that crash down around me
Surround me with all of their lives

And just like a mountain best viewed from afar
Or the satellite first you mistake for a star
Her colors unfold in a glowing profusion
Less perfect, the nearer you are

But I know there's a balance I shouldn't upset
So perfection is maybe as close as I'll get
It's a secret I'll keep to my lover's exclusion
For I know I can't tell her, or at least not just yet.

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Tavia (Just a closer Walk With,)

Tavia, she's gone out to the East
Gonna spend some time in Washington D.C.
I hope she does all right out there
But I don't know what's ever gonna happen to me

It's a strain and a struggle to write this song
Because even if I know how I'm gonna feel
My muse has gone away from me
And melody and rhyme seem so unreal

I walked her out to the street
The sky was cold and the morning was over
I watched her drive and I turned away
And tried to get on with the rest of my days

Tavia, she's gone out to the East
Gonna spend some time in Washington D.C.
I hope, I hope and I wish her well
But I don't know what's ever gonna happen to me

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That's Just the Way It Goes

I had a dog called Buster Brown, as smart as anything
He liked to wander through the town and flash his diamond rings
He'd balance bird eggs on his head, a biscuit on his nose
Now he's my father's dog instead
That's just the way it goes

My father was a sailing man, a seaman through and through
He never touched upon the strand, dry land he never knew
He woke before the morning light and hummed an ugly tune
He guzzled beer and smoked his pipe, ate pepper with a spoon
He hated everyone on sight who didn't float the blue
He disappeared one foggy night and sailed of to the moon
He'd yell at me and cuss me out and smack Buster on the nose
But still I had to live with him
That's just the way it goes

I knew we'd be at logger-heads, and finally it came down
When I took Buster for a walk around through Luna Town
I saw a woman standing there, I loved her on the spot
My father said, 'She loves the land! My son, ye should be shot!'
My father kept me from the town till finally I did know
I had to give him Buster Brown
That's just the way it goes.

Her name was Margaret Madeline Mephista Montague
I brought her gifts from far-off lands to show her I was true
The moon was bright that April night she kissed me soft and slow
But then all we did was fuss and fight
That's just the way it goes.

I crawled back to my father and relayed my tale of woe
My father laughed and shook his head, 'I could have told you so!
'I s'pose now you'll want Buster back?' I told him, yes I would
He said, 'Well, ye can beg and plead, it ain't will do no good
'I gave away your Buster Brown a week from yesterday
'He's never comin' back again, he's gone away to stay
'A rich man came a-strollin' by, he said that dog was gold!
'But he only paid me one thin dime
'That's just the way it goes.'

The rich man ran for President with Buster by his side
He took him everywhere he went, they traveled far and wide
Buster ran the whole campaign, of course, he won the race
The magazines and billboards were all plastered with his face
The nation loves old Buster now, his power grows and grows
But he never writes or visits me
That's just the way it goes.

Now, Buster Brown was not the sole aristocrat I knew
The new First Lady's name was Maggie M. M. Montague
The President approached her on a cold and wintry day
She bundled up her fancy furs and then she walked away
When later asked what changed her mind, she said, 'It's plain to know
'I only love him for his dog.'
That's just the way it goes.

I hear of Buster now and then, he's older now, it's true
Though I wish he were here again, there's not much I can do
For Buster runs the country now, he's dressed in people-clothes
But never ask me why or how
That's just the way it goes...
That's just the way it goes...
That's just the way it goes...
That's just the way it goes...

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These Bones (Dead)

These bones you stand upon are mine
Though I've been dead a long long time
I know it dwells upon your mind
For every man this fate shall find
But rest your head and ease your mind
For death is warm and death is kind
Yes, everything down here in the dark is fine
And I've been dead a long long time

This land you look upon was mine
But I've been dead a long long time
I think upon this land of mine
So look you down that fencerow line
And tell me how that land does lie
The land I worked with blade and tine
Oh, please, tell me what you find
Though I've been dead a long long time

Oh, I recall a love of mine
Though I've been dead a long long time
I said to here, my heart is thine!
She pledged to me her love in kind
But she was cruel, she was unkind
And she another love did find
I love her still, and still I pine
Thought I've been dead a long long time

These bones you stand upon are mine
Though I've been dead a long long time

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This Good Life

He is tired of his parade
Sipping lemonade in the shade
And he is tired of all his plans gone away
Gone to pay for this good life

There's a shiny new paint job in the carport
And a Weber Grill on the patio
And a place in his heart for dreams that are still
Dreams he killed for this good life

There's a photograph in his wallet
Of his wife and three lovely children
And he thinks to himself that it certainly is strange
That he can't place a face in the photo

When he was young and he had long hair
He was a writer of poems and plays
But now, with a family and an office to support
He believes he doesn't care
And he consoles himself with the fact that people think
That he's generally very witty over a drink.

Well, he rides in the carpool every morning
With his neighbor and a woman down the street
And his dream as he gazes from his office in the sky
Is to fly, is to die to this good life

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Tiny Man in One Enormous Moment

I am a tiny man, in one enormous moment
And you can hold my hand, Catherine

And everybody's running round the bridges by the playground
And it makes me sad I only want to be alone

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Too Fast To Live, Too Young To Happy

I'm gonna get in my car and drive really really really really fast (repeat 2x)
Get my babe in the car and drive really really really really fast (repeat 2x)
I'm gonna race other cars going really really really really fast (repeat 2x)
I'm gonna smash my car going really really really really fast(repeat 2x)
I'm gonna fix my car and drive really really fast again (repeat 2x)
I'm gonna get in my car and drive really really really really fast (repeat 2x)

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Toremeno

Hai, Toremeno! Hai Toremeno!
Musse mechen sie chai rekka nos du.
Wui, chaih'n rekka monan harasto;
Favol chaihn de romano a pro deminu!
Zyo Toremeno! Preta Toremeno,
Che iss an ariech ewegen narrator.
Mitte rolickeyja chaiyo rekka du hyos,
Sonne bitte geben alguna pengor, ur fussa cra devor.

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Tornanando

When I was a boy, I was a wind-up toy
And my string was wound up very tight
My folks didn't give me a pill for my ills
And I'm thankful each day and each night

I met two others, 'cause I had no brothers
And neither it turned out did they
Three golden children, no smokers or jokers
I still like to think that today

Tor na na, na nan-do

We sang for ourselves, for the gold on the shelves
And we sang just to beat back the blues
Now there's some come along who aren't wrong for the song
But none of them quite learn the tune

North to the Lake with out Nothing at stake
Where the wind and the rain would make men
But men had to wait as our travels unraveled
They told it all over again

We all caught our breath at the sound of our death
In the old house on top of the hill
We haven't been back, because harm's lost its charm
And our courage has eaten its fill
We sang through our tears when we heard John was gone
And I wonder we never were killed

Tor na na, na nan-do

We're taking our turns as the calendar burns
It's the balancing act of the age
Yeah, the pallbearers tick, some are quick, some are sick
Only one in the spot stays the same

Well, I'm sure that there is hidden somewhere
A token to tell how it was
So my children could see and they'd know what I mean
When I said we were magical ones
Now, those pictures might show us like none of us know us
In stories we've barely been through
But those pictures tell lies so sweetly complete
It's better than telling the truth

Tor na na, na nan-do

Yeah, we've been all around and we've lost common ground
Because style is the scene of the day
But the love of a child is wild and mild
And swells as it's fading away

Tor na na, na nan-do

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Tugging at Strings

Tugging at strings that are not attached
to the things you think the strings are attached to
Singing a song that you don't believe
and telling me things that you want to be true

Fear is the force that is forcing your face
to the window to watch for the things that you fear
Closing your eyes and your mind and your heart
won't help, 'cause the voice will still tickle away at your ear

And if you want to be one of those girls
Who's always running away and away
Run away across the world, you'll find plenty of company.

How can you tell me the things that I know that I
see can't be, can't be possibly true
Falling in step and in line and in love
is as easy as anything else that you do

Legions unite in a voice that's hidden away
behind the things they're inside of
Listen and tell me the truth, is your heart really
singing the truth or the song with a voice of its own?

INSTRUMENTAL

And if you want to be one of those girls
Who's always running away and away
Run away across the world, you'll find plenty of company.

Tugging at strings that are not attached
to the things you think the strings are attached to
Singing a song that you don't believe
and telling me things that you oh, so want to be true

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Undergrads


This song is mostly true.

I remember Lynn and Scott and Lynn and John and Scott and Jen
And now they're gone
They're goin' down together

John just lived a block or two away
Katie lived a couple floors below
Shannon lived way up there in Wisconsin
Drinking milk and vodka through a straw
And we drank all night and we sang:

Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na Katie was her name
Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na Shannon was her name
Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na her name was John,
And now they're gone, they're goin' down together

Lynn and Scott were minding their own business
John and I sat down to have a Coke
Shannon changed her name to Chauncey Steinberg
And Katie taught me how to have a smoke
And we dragged all night and we sang:

Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na Katie was her name
Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na Shannon was her name (now it's Chauncey!)
Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na her name was John,
And now they're gone, they're goin' down together

Lynn and John were minding their own business
Scot and Jen both thought that it was wrong
Shannon thought that Lynn was pretty gutsy
And Katie had seen through me all along
And we danced all night and we sang

Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na Katie was her name
Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na Shannon was her name (changed it back, now!)
Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na her name was John,
And now they're gone, they're goin' down together

Sha la-na-na-na na na la-na-na, etc.

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Urban Genie (150 years)

I haven't even gotten off the train, but here I am
Waiting at the station again
There are no people here now
Only wallpaper pictures on cardboard cut-outs
An urban genie floats by on her magic carpet, looking around
Says, I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of this here town
And I've only lived here for a hundred and fifty years
A hundred and fifty years...

I couldn't see the bottom of the glass so I don't know
Maybe it was only half full
I stepped down off the platform
Just to get a better picture of the flying genie
And all of the people there came with me and they started looking around
And all the people there, they started bobbing up and down
Hard to think we've lived here for a hundred and fifty years
A hundred and fifty years...

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When Will I Be Alive?

She said 'When will I be alive?'
And because I had wondered very much the same thing
At very much the same time
I politely declined to answer

She said, 'No, this is not the same!'
I said 'No, your right. It's not the same at all.
'Whatever was I thinking?'

And then she cried, or maybe she prayed
But I didn't ask her
I just took up my hat
And quietly pulled close the door.

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Windshield

I saw your face through the rainy windshield
You left this place, couldn't know how that made me feel
Now I know what they mean when they say look in between
Now I know what they mean from the edge of the scene
Now it's time for me to say goodbye
Now it's time for me to let you fly away
Oh fly away...

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Wisconsong

The air is heavy, and the sun is high
I'd best be leaving by and by
Yes, by and by, I'm bound to roam
And where I'm leaving, don't no one know
But my feet turn ever toward my home
Where the air is cool, and the fields are green
And the snow comes cold, but it washes clean

If I come walking through the dirt
Look for the soil on my shirt
If I come walking through the wheat
Look for the chaffe beneath my feet
If I come walking through the air
Look for the feathers in my hair
If I come walking through the grass
There's none will notice where I pass

Though I may travel, and I may roam
Now and for always, you're my sweet home
Land of my love, land of my birth
Let me lie finally in your sweet soft earth
I'll lie beside those who've gone before
They're waiting for me at the golden door.

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Won't Go Away

Here it comes
The end to my
Night time dreams
Watch me
Silently dreaming of it
Further away
But here it is today
Colored with great intricacy
Clods of great big color in my eyes

I talk to it politely, I ask it nicely please
But still it is still there, so I dropped down to my knees
And I beg lie someone almost dead, don't put that bullet in my head
But it won't go away
If I left here today, it would follow me
It just won't go away
If I beg steal or pray, it doesn't matter
It just won't go away

I try to give it poison, by watching my T.V.
I try to shave it bald and pass it off as Jesse V
But still it goes on staying there, until I'm pulling out my hair
And it won't go away
Whence it came, it won't say, all I know is that
It just won't go away
If I'm stern or risqu? it doesn't matter
It just won't go away

Just like the color blue is to a square
Just like a coat rack is to my hair
Just like a zebra is to a waterfall
Just like an airplane to the Apostle Paul
Always there, it never leaves
Always there, it never leaves
Always there, it never leaves, it's always someplace else
Always there, it never leaves

I lobby legislation, but it loops a hole through these
I try to find it's corner, set it floating in the breeze
But it decides it must obey the law that proscribes gravity
And it won't go away
And that might be okay, or it might suck that
It just won't go away
But you know, either way, it doesn't matter, 'cause
It won't go away

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Xanadu

Xanadu, O Xanadu, when will you be my home?
When will I be made to lie beneath your stately pleasure dome
When will I ever find a place to lie?
When will I ever find my way into the summer sky?
O Xanadu

Not much time to get back home, there's just a couple days
Don't know why I left, I never should have gone away
The sun's already burnin' and it's just gonna get hotter
Send your starlight ship to carry me back home to your celestial water.
And the nightmare comes
With the break of day
Xanadu please chake it away
O Xanadu

Wash away the dusty roads from this poor traveler's feet
Dust can make it hard to walk down old familiar streets
And the ship runs low
And the sky bleeds light
And we go our way in the night
O Xanadu

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Yeah

Everyone was standing on the tables and the chairs
But the tables all got broken, they were standing in the air
Everyone was talking when I opened up the door
I was feelin' kinda funny, then I wasn't any more

Now I'm not yours to play with
I'm not yours to adore
Yeah

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Young Beyond My Years

In 1997, I lived in a small basement apartment in Northfield. The house belonged to a professor of mine from St. Olaf, and my efficiency unit was just off the basement of his large house. The professor had several other rental properties and that summer he leased one to a guy from St. Louis. We'll call him Ross.

Ross had a quality about him that suggested the uncertainty of youth, yet he looked like he could have been in his late thirties. He'd moved to Minnesota to take a position with a large retail nursery outside the Twin Cites, where he would be in charge of applying herbicide, pesticides and (if I remember correctly) fertilizers. His job started a couple of weeks before the apartment was available, and so our landlord gave him a cot in the basement, and asked if he could share my shower and sink. Always willing to help out a guy in need, I agreed. And at any rate, as I was being charged no rent, I could hardly refuse.

Ross was tall, athletic in a gangly sort of way. Large hands, big head covered in sandy coarse hair. I mostly remember him wearing running shorts. He was pretty serious, and not entirely at ease with his situation. However, as I was one of his only social contacts during his stay, we talked a fair amount, and shared a meal or two.

His job carried some authority, and there was some resentment that the position had not been filled from within. There was a woman back in St. Louis as well. The nature of their relationship was unclear, and I suspected, with very little evidence, that it was more important to him than to her.

One day I came home, and there was a bouquet of flowers out in the gloom of the basement. Ross got them to try and cheer the place up a little bit. They seemed to alternately please him, and fill him with a sense of futility.

The next day I came home and found the flowers in my room. There was a note attached. The first two verses and half the bridge are based very closely on this note. I never heard of or from Ross again.

An odd aspect of this story is how seldom I think of him, how seldom I wonder what happened back there in Missouri. I usually keep in touch with people. With Ross, I just wasn't interested. I hope the best for him, and feel a trifle guilty when I consider this guy with so much to work out. I don't even get curious when I perform this song.

Like most of "Art Is a Lie, Baby," I recorded this on the Memphis Evans Tascam Porta-Two. There is a small lead guitar line at the end of the bridge. This was, as I remember, improvised in the studio. Possible lyrics to go along with that melody included "Though it was good to me-eet you, I am all alone."

Enjoy the flowers
I won't be needing them any more
I'm going home now,
Back to St. Louis
Where I'll try to find what I have left behind and unresolved

Woke up this morning
I read the paper, realized life's more than just my job
Take this apartment
I cannot live here,
And thanks, many thanks for letting me impose upon your life

Once, I believe I said that change is the spice of my life
But I am young beyond my years
And I am scared of being here and all alone

That's all he said
He left his cot made, nicely, out in the hall
He's going home now
Back to Missouri...

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Zombie!

> I'd been reading some old

Doonesbury
anthologies, and had gotten to the point where Duke becomes a zombie slave to Baby Doc Duvalier. Zombies kept kicking around in my head till this song came out.

I am still particularly proud of the bass line I came up with at the end of this recording. The back-up zombies were performed by Scot Ninnemann, Jenifer Parks and Amanda.

The zombie butler offers you a glass of zombie wine
You take it and tell him it tastes just zombie fine
And you never ever notice when your eyes begin to look like sheep
But they're jumping over fences they were never meant to leap
And being a zombie's not that bad
Really, it's the best time you'll never remember you had
So raise your zombie hand, and holler zombie golly-gee
For now you are a zombie just like zombie you and me
So raise your zombie hand, and holler zombie golly-gee
For now you are a zombie just like zombie you and me


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